The Weirdie-Beardie Chronicles

Have moved next door

2010-01-13T04:30:00.000-08:00

please knock at:

http://www.maythemusebewithyou.blogspot.com

Andrew

Listen again anyone...?

2009-12-10T05:32:00.000-08:00

Please click the link below to hear again Andrew's BBC Radio interview with the fabulous Bakery Boys back in the summer. They are such whizzkids when it comes to technology, and their wallpaper is quite classy too.

http://www.webakestuff.co.uk/listen/

A

Andrew's no-nonsense new blog

2009-11-07T03:55:00.000-08:00

Tom the dog is now in retirement; for news regarding writer, Andrew McGuinness, please visit his new website here:
http://www.andrewmcguinness.co.uk/page_1257242855543.html

bad news..or good news...depending...

2009-10-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

Woe is me - I've been discovered as a blogger by the Master, and he has banished me from the study (and access to His pc) for the foreseeable. There's no way around it - the door handle's just too difficult to turn with a paw.

So, it looks as if this (he has allowed me just one more message) is my last shout out to the blogosphere. And now it has come, I'm really at a loss as to what to say. Except goodbye, and I hope you enjoyed the ride.

It would appear that soon, my Master will be writing His own blog instead of this one. I'm not fussed really. To be honest, my pawpads and toes ache with the arthritis. It's hard pressing the keys. My blogging days were numbered before the recent discovery.

I'm now officially in retirement, to enjoy winter nights by the open fire, meals aplenty, walks in the fine orchards close to home. It's not the end, merely a new beginning...

Bow wow caio for now, and ever.

Tom

Beach Hut Open Day - All Welcome!

2009-10-02T02:32:00.000-07:00

This is a little short notice, but hopefully you're in a forgiving mood and have some spare time this weekend to pop along to the beach huts on the Tankerton slopes ( Saturday, 3 October).

The Little Blue Hut is having an open day, 12-30 to 16-30, and the Laureate Squad (Andrew McG, Vicky Wilson, Danny Rhodes and Gary Studley) will be on hand to discuss their writing, their beach hut residency, and tempt you with a few writing prompts and exercises to inspire some of your own creativity on the day.

The little Blue Hut is exactly that: pale blue, the one at the back, on the end, nearest the Lifeguard's hut (though hopefully you won't need one on the day). No.139, I think.

Anyway, I'll let you know exactly how the event goes in a later blog entry.

Tom

Little Blue Hut Blog

2009-09-24T05:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been such a while since my last entry. He and She have been on a late summer holiday; Bella and I went to a five star hotel for a week, and before that, well, things have beena little bit upside down (as per usual).

Anyhow, He has been busy working on His next novel (even I'm not allowed to say anything about it!), and preparing for teaching at two universities, beginning next week.

He's also been going to the Little Blue Hut as part of a Laureate Scheme creative residency. Occasionally, he has written in small bursts about what it's like in the beach hut, and the people he has met, and the things he's seen, heard, and felt whilst there. He has written a couple of blog entries which shall be appearing soon on the Little Blue Hut site:
http://www.creativecanterbury.com/buildpage.php?id=97

Poet (and fellow Canterbury Laureate Squad member), Vicky Wilson 's first entries are already up on the site. Check it out.

And please do watch this space over the coming weeks for many new and exciting projects, and opportunities for you to get involved in some really interesting creative writing events in 2009-2010: workshops, competitions, live literature events, an amazing free mentoring scheme for budding poets and prose writers, and many more...but I don't want to steal any thunder from the Canterbury Festival before they officially announce the programme in the near future.

All I would say is, keep your eyes peeled and your pen at the ready!

Tom

Baking books..?

2009-08-27T02:21:00.000-07:00

Check this out!

The Fabulous Bakery Boys' third instalment of documentaries for the BBC - about Coffee and Corks, a laidback "literary" coffee shop in Canterbury - includes an interactive book containing the musings, scribblings, doodles, philosophies (and more) from customers. And if you look very carefully, you might see in the soft focus background, one of the Bakery Boys, Richard Dadd. Or I might be wrong there: http://www.webakestuff.co.uk/book/

What would I have written in the book, if only given the chance...

Tom

Entering His blue (hut) period

2009-08-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

From bluechrome to blue hut - it appears that my Master, along with other Laureate Squad members, will be intermittently using the Little Blue Hut on the Tankerton slopes at the tail end of August, until October, as part of a creative residency. See details about the hut below:

http://www.creativecanterbury.com/buildpage.php?id=88

This will allow Him time to think (as if he doesn't do enough of that already!), do a little bit of writing maybe; and if people pop in to see him, exchange views on writing too. He might even gaze at the sea and find a new muse. He'll be keeping a little blue blog, of course.

Anyway, Andrew will be snuggled inside the Little Blue Hut on various days from 26th August onwards, as will be Vicky Wilson, Gary Studley and Danny Rhodes, if you want to discuss their writing, or yours, or just take advantage of the wonderful view out to sea. Who knows, you might even bump into me or Bella!

My Master's voice

2009-08-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

I've lived with Him for many years now (about 70 in dog years) and I know every single nuance of his voice. So I'm puzzled by the sound of His voice on the recent BBC documentary (iPlayer, 18 August, 15 minutes into the programme) : http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p001d714

But that's all besides the point - Bella and I got a mention (if not by name, then in other ways)!!! I've been immortalised by the BBC, and by the fabulous Bakery Boys. http://webakestuff.co.uk/blog/2009/08/bbc-radio-kent-ep2-a-portrait-of-the-arsonist-as-a-young-man/

Famous - if only for six more days...and if only by default...who cares...? I'm Tom, and I go for walks in the orchards!

Listen in...

2009-08-18T02:08:00.000-07:00

My Master may do the writing, but I generally get the fame. Check out the website below.

Anyway, if you're free this afternoon at just after 4pm, and are near a radio (96.7FM BBC Radio Kent), DAB if you're further afield, or if you're at your PC, plug yourself in to the mini-documentary by the Bakery Boys at the BBC. A Portrait of the Arsonist features, with controversial arsonist, Ben Tippet, getting his first proper public airing!

Of course, it can be heard again for a week after, on BBC iPlayer, by which time the BBC will be inundated with queries and complaints (depending on which part of the story is read out...).

If nothing else, it should be flaming good fun.

http://webakestuff.co.uk/blog/2009/08/bbc-radio-kent-ep2-a-portrait-of-the-arsonist-as-a-young-man/

Tom

Check it out!

2009-08-16T03:24:00.001-07:00

You only have two days left to listen to the fascinating BBC mini-doc about some amazing underwater sculptures by Jason Taylor, in the River Stour, Canterbury, on BBC iPlayer (they are amazing):

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p001d714

And this coming Tuesday (18 August), A Portrait of the Arsonist will be on BBC Radio Kent, with a fine actor playing the narrator of the novel, Ben Tippet. A little after 4pm; and on BBC iPlayer for one week following.

Should be fun.

Tom

Newsflash:BBC documentary of A Portrait

2009-08-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

News has just come in: a mini-documentary of my Master and his fiery debut novel will be aired on BBC Radio Kent on Tuesday 18 August at just after 4pm, on the Dominic King Show. It will then be available for seven days following on BBC iPlayer.

The documentary is part of a series exploring interesting people/artists living and working in Kent (maybe a documentary could be made about me - the first ever dogdoc?). Anyhow, the series started today (Tuesday) at about 4pm and it sounds very interesting.

See www.webakestuff.co.uk/blog/radio for more information; the website of the multi-talented duo documentary-makers, Richard and Dan.

Exciting news indeed!

Tom

Bestest hat competition

2009-08-11T07:08:00.001-07:00

I've always gone out of my way not to have too many pictures of my Master and Mistress on my dogblog (apart from the writerly ones, of course!), but I just couldn't resist this one of my Mistress Janice, who won a prize on Ladies' Cricket Day last week. She didn't win first prize - to my great indignation because I like Her hat best - but She did claim second prize for Her large black hat with pale rose flower and decorative dress (second from left). She also has the best smile which the judge obviously didn't take into account..

Anyway, She was paraded around the cricket ground in a horse and trap to huge applause, presented with lovely flowers and received some pretty useful shopping vouchers for a swanky Canterbury store too.

That's what I call a very good innings for the day!

Tom

Dickens outdoors

2009-08-10T02:43:00.000-07:00

What did you do at the weekend? Bella and I had lots of lovely walks in the fields and orchards nearby, but He and She did something far more cultural: they took a small picnic (including sparkling wine, I noticed) to Strode Park, near Herne Bay, and took in a theatrical outdoor performance of the Dickens classic - Great Expectations.

They turned up unfashionably early, found great seats, and thoroughly enjoyed the performance. Particular mention must go to Mr John Prebble who played the grown up Pip. How he remembered all of his character's lines (including narration in many places) is a mystery, or perhaps it was down to many rehearsals.

He and She had never seen a Dickens novel turned into a play before, a major feat to adapt an epic novel for the stage. So many narrative threads, scene changes, characters etc. But the Herne Bay performers pulled it off.

He and She, unfortunately, had to leave a little bit early, as She was feeling a little under the weather.

I'm very happy with the orchard walks, but it would have been nice to have been asked if I wanted to take in some Dickens on a balmy August night.

Maybe next time...

Tom

One more

2009-08-07T04:21:00.000-07:00

Having just discovered John Foxx, I wanted to share this track which he wrote just before leaving Ultravox in 1978. It's strangely hypnotic, mysterious and has a certain nightmarish quality. I think it's about a nightmare John Foxx may have had, one in which he was dislocated.

Or am I barking up the wrong tree...?
Tom

Underpants!

2009-08-06T02:22:00.000-07:00

Maybe I gave John Foxx a raw deal in my last blog entry, so to make up for it I'm posting one of his more famous early synth tracks called "Underpass" released in 1980 when my Master was 13 and a bit.

At school He was ribbed mercilessly by His classmates who were more into heavy metal, and they would sing the tune building up to the chorus, followed by the loud punchline,"Underpants!"

Watch the video and you'll understand. It's not really pants, quite ahead of its time really. Foxx had recently split from the post-punk band, Ultravox, going solo, as Gary Numan did from Tubeway Army at a similar time. Though Numan has recently said that Foxx was his inspiration in the late 1970s.

Tom

When an interview goes wrong...

2009-08-05T05:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCZYsXZLRfY

My Master is still waiting to hear about his BBC interview (I'm sure it's going to be aired at some time this summer) but in the meantime I came across this interview with the electro-pop pioneer, John Foxx, recorded on Swedish TV in 1977. He was then in the influential punk band Ultravox (a few years before Midge Ure ruined it).

I don't know why it went so badly. Was it poor preparation by the interviewers? Their lack of technical English? Or was the seminal musiican in a really bad mood?

You decide...and let me know what you think.

Either way, it's a very funny interview! Why, oh why, does it finish with "for he's a jolly good fellow"? (Because he obviously isn't?)

Tom

Seriously though...

2009-08-03T03:32:00.000-07:00

Andrew received an email this morning from a big fan of A Portrait of the Arsonist. The sender signed off as "T".

"T" said that he (or she) had found the novel just as moving and emotional as they had found it funnyfunny, but they had been most surprised that many reviewers had not alluded to some of the "subtext seriousnesses" in the book, including "life in prison". I couldn't agree more.

Anyway, as a part-time DJ and video-maker, "T" had put a video together in memory of the main character, Ben Tippet, who experiences the harshness of prison life (and how).

Wow - thank you very much for this excellent video, T. And for drawing attention to different apsects of the novel as well.

We share the same initial, don't you know!

xx,

Tom

Laureate News!

2009-07-31T03:52:00.000-07:00

Canterbury City Council have now made it official: Andrew has been named, along with three other fine writers and educators (Danny Rhodes, Vicky Wilson and Gary Studley), as a member of the Canterbury Laureate Squad.

To find out more about the authors, please visit the designated Council literature website:http://www.write-here.net/buildpage.php?id=23 where you'll also find out more about the new Canterbury Laureate, the brilliant performance poet, Patience Agbabi.

The specific details of Laureate events and projects are yet to be finalised, but early signs are that prose and poetry will continue to be very exciting in 2009-2010, and far beyond. Canterbury Festival will also be more heavily involved in the delivery of many of these new and exciting initiatives.

Watch this space for further news, including details of a great opportunity for new local writers to work with established writers of poetry and prose in the Canterbury region.

But I'm getting ahead of myself now...and I probably shouldn't be giving too much away...

Tom

Walking the tightrope...

2009-07-27T02:36:00.001-07:00

If you're looking for something to do in a spare 83 minutes, why not go and see the outrageous film, "Bruno"? He and She went to see it yesterday and came back quite ruffled and talkative.

By all accounts, the film is potentially offensive to just about everyone on the planet (gay and straight people, black people, Jews, Muslims, Christians...) or is it satirical social/political commentary? The film has not gone down well in Hollywood (pardon the pun), and no doubt this is because American society is mainly the intended target of the comic genius, Sacha Baron Cohen; a society in which some "ordinary" American parents will do anything ...and I mean anything...to make their children famous - including child fat liposuction - and one in which homophobia is still a massive issue at the grassroots level.

Some of the scenes are more obviously "set up" than the film's director would want us to notice, but others are so cringingly real they certainly make up for the stageiness of others. Some of the targets in this mockumentary are also old hat (c-list celebs, religious bigots and homophobes, e.g. see Louis Theroux's genuine American documentaries), but others are more unexpected. See the recent Guardian review for more details :http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/jul/10/film-review-bruno

Some of the scenes are genuinely eye-popping, so I'm told.

My guess is that you will either feel bowel-movingly gobsmacked by this boundary-pushing flick, totally offended by its crass humour, or will laugh along at the state of the obscene world we have created and this is meant to send up. Certainly, a tightrope of taste is being walked here; bravely or stupidly, only you can decide.

Sacha Baron Cohen might well be the best comedian character actor since the very funny Peter Sellers. Discuss.

Tom

congratulations

2009-07-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well done, Katie Wilson from Teeside! A rare copy of the novel and a poster will be making their way to you within the week!

For those unfamiliar with the Latin name for a medieval wax seal: sigillum.

I didn't know that myself and had to check it out online.

Tom

Best supporting areolas

2009-07-20T03:03:00.000-07:00

I watched a film called The Reader on Sunday afternoon, with Him and Her and Bella. Though Bella got a little bored with the heavy-handed symbolism in places and went for a snooze on the sofa.

I hadn't read the novel by German professor, Bernhard Schlink, which was the basis of the film starring Kate Winslet, Ralph Fiennes and David Kross; and given what I am about to say about the film, maybe I should very soon.

The production values of the film were very high, as I guess they should be with a multi-million pound budget, and it should also be remembered that Anthony Minghella was involved early on in this project, just before he sadly died. The acting too is of an exceptionally high standard, particularly Kate Winslet (and David Kross whose acting ability is sometimes overlooked because of the bigger names involved, including Ralph Fiennes).

I think Kate Winslet deserved her Oscar for Best Actress, not because she was outstanding, but because she had precious little to grab hold of with her character (guilt-ridden ex SS prison guard with a penchant for sex with young-ish boys) and did a remarkable job breathing life into her. For me - and maybe it's because I live with a writer who is always banging on about rounded characters and credible characterisation - Winslet's character was very two-dimensional (leaving aside her magnificent areolas): she was mysteriously cold, guilt-ridden, might reconnect with humanity through sex, and listening to books being read to her by her lover).

As the film progressed, moving back and forth in time, in a post-Nazi holocaust world, I could almost hear my Master's brain ticking over: what do we actually know about Hannah, the ex-SS prison guard? Why has she got no family? No childhood? No parents? No memories of childhood? No education (never learnt to read and write)?

Okay, okay, I was thinking too. She's a bit mysterious, and has marvellous areolas, but as a central character shouldn't she have a past, pre-SS? Yes, I know she is meant to be a symbolic character in the story (some measure of the mixed up culpability for the holocaust and the need to forget), but can a heavy-handed symbol not have a credible human background too? I don't have to like or dislike her, I just want her to be human. Is she just a theme? A symbol of perpetrator dehumanisation? If so, so what? What's new, pusscat?

Like my Master, I was beginning to find Hannah too hollow, not shallow, which may have been the point of the book: she's trying to block the past out because of her personal role in it - with all the obvious national guilt associated with this. But c'mon - even the minor characters in good short stories have a back story extending back before their teens or twenties. I wanted to know where she was born, why she was illiterate (other than for writerly thematic and symbolic reasons). I think an opportunity was missed by the writer to fully explore the full character of Hannah, to make her more than just an idea, more than just a mannequin to dress (and undress) in simple moral terms.

Finally, and this might be nitpicking, why would someone be so embarrassed about their personal illiteracy that they would rather accept the blame for the deaths of so many innocents in Germany during the war than be discovered to be illiterate? It's just too heavy-handed and incredible.

Sigh - perhaps she wanted to because of her role and her guilt? She had been so blind to the extermination of the Jews? And now she was atoning and learning about it. Learning to read and write. And what good comes from her learning, and reading and writing about it? From all these books? She uses them to hang herself. Something I had guessed would happen.

I, for one, shall miss those mesmerising areolas (apparently they grow hugely after having a child), but there has to be a more subtle story of atonement and moral understanding nearly 70 years after the holocaust, doesn't there?

Tom

A free copy of a Portrait of the Arsonist to be won...

2009-07-17T03:10:00.001-07:00

Demand for A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man has been immense since its launch in February, both online at Scribd and the traditional hard copy route at bluechrome publishing, Amazon and Waterstones etc (selling out in some instances).

More copies will become available soon...but in the meantime, if you'd like to win your own very collectible signed copy of the novel in its original review copy format (of which only a limited number were ever printed!) or in its later reincarnation, just answer the following question, and send your answer to this blog (or to the email at the end of the blog page):

My Master used to be a medieval historian and co-wrote the seminal Guide to British Medieval Seals with Professor P.D.A. Harvey (see above). In the novel, A Portrait, a reference is made to a medieval seal, but on exactly which Scribd page is this reference made?

(You'll need to pop over to scribd to find it...http://www.scribd.com/doc/12756515/A-Portrait-of-the-Arsonist-as-a-Young-Man-by-AndrewMcGuinness

And, if you can tell me what the Latin name is for a mediveal seal, I'll also throw in a very collectible launch poster of the novel too! Free p&p.

Can't say fairer than that!

Best of luck,

Tom

A decent taster of the novel...

2009-07-14T03:11:00.000-07:00

A lot has been said about the ebook-seller, Scribd (e.g. most recent issue of The Author), but what has to be said in their favour is that they do present on screen very well, and also provide readers with ready access to all kinds of books, including excerpts as tasters.

My Master's novel can be found here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/12756515/A-Portrait-of-the-Arsonist-as-a-Young-Man-by-AndrewMcGuinness ...

if you want to dip your toe. Over a thousand readers have already dipped theirs.

And if you like what you see, you can leave a comment (as others have) , and/or easily and relatively cheaply download the whole book.

Or if you still prefer a genuine hard copy, no problem - you can buy one from all good bookshops, Amazon, Bluechrome etc...

Go on, you've nothing to lose, and everything to gain, as they say....

Tom

Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?

2009-07-08T03:16:00.000-07:00

Up to Buckingham Palace, to get soaked with the Queen!

According to the Daily Mail, the rainfall in London on 7th July, 2009, was the heaviest since records began. Something like an inch of rain fell in just under ten minutes. The guests, at Buckingham Palace for The Queen's Royal Garden Party, experienced one-off weather conditions including a bible-black sky, whipping gales, thunder, lightning, tropical downpours and hail the size of marbles. As the thousands of guests fled to the people's marquee, the royal lawns filled up with water. The wind was so furious, it blew the rain 12 feet into the marquee itself, wetting the well-dressed assembled.

And the funny thing is, my Master and Mistress were there! At one point, someone said they thought it was the beginning of the end of the world. Somewhat melodramatic, perhaps, but all that was needed was a plague of rats...to convince the non-believers.

As you can see from the daily mail photos above, many guests fled during a break in the floods towards Buckingham Palace, only for the skies to open once again and drenching everyone whether they had an umbrella or not. He and She were in that melee.

Eventually, the Garden Party was abandoned, though the band played on for a long time, and He and She were allowed into the Palace through the Diplomats' and VIPs entrance, where they rubbed wet shoulders with the great and the good: foreign royals and dignitaries, Ladies and Earls and Dukes, Barons and Baronesses. You see - nature has a habit of making everyone equal, even if it is only for half an hour. When Adam delved and Eve span, who was then the gentleman? As the medieval rebel, John Ball once said.

Having said that, the Queen looked resplendent in green, before the heavens opened. Prince Philip looked shorter than he does on TV. Prince Andrew seemed preoccupied and hungry. The Yeomen of the Guard (not supposed to call them beeefeaters) marched to and fro...the plebeians gathered in a big circle to watch the royals have tea. All very odd, if you ask me. Though the sandwiches and cake sounded very nice.

To crown proceedings, he and She walked in their soaked shoes back to Victoria Station which was closed because of flooding. They stood in water for another hour, then queued in the station for another hour.

But was it all worth it? You bet! There has never been a Royal Garden Party quite like this before at Buckingham Palace, and it is unlikely to happen quite like this again either.

God Save the Village Green, as Ray Davies might say.

Woof,

Tom

Remember: dogs and overheated cars do not go

2009-07-02T02:54:00.000-07:00

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090702/tuk-police-dogs-die-in-hot-parked-car-6323e80.html

Do not leave your dog, pet or otherwise, in an overheated car this summer. It really doesn't take long for a dog to die from heat exhaustion and dehydyration, let alone the hideous anxiety leading up to these...so, please, please, be careful with your dogs (or any other animal on scorching days like these).

Tom

What the fuss is all about

2009-07-01T04:11:00.000-07:00

A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man by AndrewMcGuinness
http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,0,0" id="doc_294406141410941" name="doc_294406141410941" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" align="middle" height="500" width="100%" > http://d.scribd.com/ScribdViewer.swf?document_id=12756515&access_key=key-1b2tdwc4deoj6gtlly6g&page=1&version=1&viewMode="> http://d.scribd.com/ScribdViewer.swf?document_id=12756515&access_key=key-1b2tdwc4deoj6gtlly6g&page=1&version=1&viewMode=" quality="high" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" play="true" loop="true" scale="showall" wmode="opaque" devicefont="false" bgcolor="#ffffff" name="doc_294406141410941_object" menu="true" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" salign="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" align="middle" height="500" width="100%">

Well, it has all been quite exciting, re: a Portrait of the Arsonist.
I'm receiving lots of emails about the novel - some of them know my Master, others are strangers - all saying how enjoyable and different the book is. Someone wrote to me the other day saying that although the novel deals with some very big life issues and complex characters and themes, it only took her two days to complete the book, and she was takingit on holiday with her to read it again, to fully appreciate the ending! She had come across the book on Scribd (see above), had read the opening 50+ pages, then ordered a "real" i.e. hard copy on-line. I'm no size queen, she wrote, but it's a big book, in all the ways...

Thanks, "Miss Anonymouse" whoever you are. Very kind of you, and I'll try to pass it on to my Master today (for some reason, every time I try to tell Him something, He tells me to ssshhh).

Woof,
Tom

Birthdays and funerals

2009-06-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a strange week, all in all, and I'm not even talking about the unexpected death of pop icon, Michael Jackson. My Master attended the funeral of an uncle who died way too young. May he rest in peace now. They played Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water at the service, which was one of His favourite songs.

Only a few days before, my Master was gadding about in Muswell Hill, attending a friend's 50th Birthday Party. It was a fantastic night: marquee, music, huge amounts of food and wine. He met lots of brilliant, talented people too, including a famous BBC TV Breakfast News presenter. Oh, it must be hard mixing with the great and the good so often. Rumour has it that He and She will meet the Queen next month, at Buckingham Palace! Really, I'm not kidding. I don't think they are going to be knighted or anything though.

Until later,

xx,
Tom

Master and the Sugababes

2009-06-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well, here's the recent article about my Master and His debut novel in the Kentish Gazette. Today's publication. In my opinion, it's a very interesting piece but the photo is not really a good likeness (He'll be pleased to know I've said).. He will also be pleased to know that He shares this week's newspaper coverage with Orlando Bloom (World Famous -and Canterbury- Film Star), and the Sugababes (who will be performing live at Canterbury next week!)

Woof woof,

Tom

How the reading event went...

2009-06-16T02:59:00.000-07:00

Pretty well, so I've been told. My Master met two very interesting writers who were also giving a reading from their novels: Roopa Farooki and Amanda Smyth. Roopa writes cosmopolitan, multicultural, family-based stories not unlike Zadie Smith. Her latest book is called How the World Looks to Me ; Amanda has just written a book set in Trinidad-Tobago called Black Rock. Her novel has been endorsed by the legendary Ali Smith and apparently resembles Jean Rhys's style (blimey, there are a lot of Smiths in this blog entry!).

Anyway, check out Roopa's website for more details: http://www.roopafarooki.com/

And Serpent's Tail for Amanda:http://www.serpentstail.com/author_bio?id=10602

One of the practical things my Master discovered whilst talking with these two great writers was that they can both "touch-type"! Andrew, alas, is more old-fashioned i.e. He writes everything in long hand, then painfully index-finger types!

The event was a triumph - the students studying for their MA in Prose Fiction at Canterbury Christ Church University were engaged, and engaging. One student in particular asked a very interesting question about a Portrait of the Arsonist: Does Ben Tippet represent what's wrong with our 21st century world? Or words to that effect.

Answer this question in no more than than 100 words and win a soon-to-be "classic" Portait of the Arsonist as a Young Man full-sized giant poster, signed by me and Him.

Tom

A lean, mean publishing machine...

2009-06-12T03:20:00.000-07:00

This isn't shameless self-promotion...(well it kind of is and isn't)just wanted to let you know that my Master's publisher is offering a great deal to anyone who buys a book from their website:

http://www.bluechrome.co.uk/store/shop/

Buy from bluechrome and they promise to send you another bluechrome book entirely FREE. There's also something to do with stamps or postal orders...but I think it's the free book that's the real carrot in this beneficial exchange...and no stick either. If that makes sense? Though I very much like both sticks and carrots. Diced, whole, thrown, makes no difference.

Seriously though, it's fantastic to see a brave indie publisher coming out of the corner of the boxing ring with their gloves wiped down and held high after taking some serious body blows in previous rounds. Ding-ding round 48! Not Bugner, but Ali.

I don't know what's happening to me this morning...old cliches abounding! Must be all the excitement from my Master getting in last night fresh from his interviews with BBC Kent in the evening, preceded by The Kentish Gazette in the afternoon. Charming, interesting interviewers, my Master says. So thank you to Richard and Dan (c/o BBC) and Alex from the Gazette. Richard and Dan are natural -born comedians, and Alex is an expert in many languages, including Russian. So there.

Features from these two interviews will be published/aired over the coming few weeks. Maybe even next week for the Gazette...watch this space...

Tom

Cousins?!

2009-06-09T05:38:00.001-07:00

Well, you could knock me down with a Jumbone. Just been told that Bella and I are blood relatives! Cousins sharing the same grandparents etc etc...And on my 11th birthday too!

I thought from the very beginning there was something very "familiar" about Bella. She reminded me of myself from years ago.

Now I know - our DNA isn't that different. It should be said, I've always felt like a kind of uncle to Bella. Maybe I am closer to this fact than I first realised.

It can't be refuted; there is incontrovertible written proof - Bella is my kin. My god, it's like something out of a Dickens novel.

Woof woof!

Tom

Double "Brilliant"

2009-06-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

Whilst my Master ruminates/gestates/reflects/pulls his hair out/disappears into a void of creativity (i.e. working on his next novel), I have taken it upon my self to trawl the internet for news and reviews of his first novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist. Just out of personal interest.

And almost 900 people have looked at the novel through Scribd (an online e-bookseller)
http://www.scribd.com/doc/12756515/A-Portrait-of-the-Arsonist-as-a-Young-Man-by-AndrewMcGuinness
and a couple of these readers have made the effort to add how much they loved the book too.

I am most pleased that "Rachel Z" says she thought it brilliant, and hasn't really read anything quite like it before (June 3). That's always good to know. And thanks "D" for lovin' the book too.

A Portrait also gets a great couple of mentions on the website of Stephen Fry! Another, this time "bloody", brilliant!http://www.stephenfry.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5491

So, watch this space...!
Tom

I have other very interesting news regarding the media's interest in A Portrait of the Arsonist...but will confirm this at a later date.

Support your indie presses...

2009-06-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of talk recently about the credit crunch/ recession/depression/disaster/whateveryuowanttocallit...but the really unfortunate aspect of the current economic climate is probably that wonderful independent presses begin to struggle more than ever to survive. Some are going to the wall. If they have Arts funding...it surely gets cut (as with Salt)...and if they don't, they still struggle against the conglomerates.

Please visit bluechrome publishing's blog here for their take on it all:

http://bluechromeblog.blogspot.com/

Bluechrome has no public funding, even though they publish some of the most exciting and experimental "new writing voices" in the UK. And my Master's one of these new voices. I probably shouldn't be telling you this but two publishers expressed an interest in publishing A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man, and my Master chose bluechrome. However, the other publisher was also a reputable independent and I'm sure would have done a great job also.

I can only agree with bluechrome, when they say it would help indies if readers and writers bought a book from them now and then, especially if they are thinking of submitting a manuscript to them for possible future publication. And even if they are not writers, it would still be a great idea to buy from independent publishers because they really do take on interesting work; more often than not much more liberating and challenging than the mainstream. Without doubt, new writers will always need brave, forward-looking independent publishers to support them and their work, and to offer readers cutting-edge prose and poetry.

But just how long "smaller" presses can survive in the current marketplace is open to debate. What you can do to help is buy some of their books now and then. Why not liberate yourself from the mainstream once and a while? You surely won't be disappointed.

Bow wow,

Tom

Sugaring the pill...?

2009-06-05T03:58:00.000-07:00

As Mr Gordon Brown re-shuffles his pack of dwindling cards (really hoping to avoid the Jokers) rumours are spreading that his multi-million pound business friend, Sir Alan Sugar, is to join the House of Lords with a peerage. He will also advise the troubled Government.

It is a most unfortunate, and some might say very short-sighted Prime Minster, who calls upon a businessman/ TV celebrity whose most famous catchphrase is "You're fired!".

What a pity it is then, that Spitting Image is no longer around to take full advantage of such a scenario.

Woof! woof!

Tom

A big paws up for Wales!

2009-06-03T03:13:00.001-07:00

As promised, here are some photos of me and Bella on our holidays in Ceredigion, Wales, last month. As you can see there's not too much between Bella and I in size now. Though, she is smaller really.

We can be seen playing on the beach where Dylan Thomas used to play, walking in the countryside (I'm by the ruins of the old barn, Bella's by the daffodils and if you look closely there are also Welsh cattle in the photo), and the farmhouse we stayed in (wonderful slate floors for hot paws and the upstairs windows are just the right height for a Beardie to look out of too, without having to stand up even!), and playing in the river flowing down from the Brecon Beacons, and lying flat out exhausted by the sheer fun of it all.

Oh, He and She had a brilliant time too, I should say.

Tom

How many minutes can one be famous for...?

2009-05-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

You may remember that not that long ago I was asked to pose for a painting of myself...? Well, as you can see above, I was asked to pose again recently, by Warhol Artists Inc. I may not be Marilyn Monroe but I'm looking prreeettty goood.

Tom

so it goes...

2009-05-14T04:13:00.000-07:00

It would appear that the discussions of my Master's novel were very interesting. Everyone said they'd enjoyed it. One liked the psychological aspects; another the exploration of relationships between parents and their children; another the love between Ben and Alex. Questions were raised and answered about the fictionalisation of Canterbury.
All in all, a good night. I know - even as a dog - how important it is to maintain friendships.

Now, my Master feels the shackles of His debut novel falling from his hands and feet. The voices He hears now are new and very different from those heard for the Arsonist book. But don't be too surprised if one or two of the characters from the first novel creep into the next...this sometimes happens in fiction.

Bow wow,
Tom

A Friendly Firing Squad

2009-05-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the gaps in my blogging. I've been away in the distant valleys of Wales for a while...frollicking in the fields and woods and rivers. I'll fill you in on how great the holiday was when I've had a chance to edit the photos...

Tonight my Master ventures out to meet some writing friends, and discuss his novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist, with them. I don't know why He is anxious about it; I mean, He's very proud of His novel. A lot of blood, sweat and fears went into it.

He tells me it feels like going to face a friendly firing squad. Though how He'd know this is a total mystery. Most people who have faced a firing squad don't live to make similes about it.

Anyway, that's just the way He is made, I guess. Perhaps all writers are full of such neuroses...?

He's going to meet His friends all of whom have been published themselves; poetry and prose. He's known each of them for many years now and they're always very supportive. Even so, I think He might still request a final cigarette before the command is made to aim and fire.

Speak soon, bow wow caio,
Tom

Songs with contemporary resonance II

2009-04-24T03:50:00.000-07:00

Songs with contemporary resonance

2009-04-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPeWSpB_7w4

You got me...!

2009-04-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was indeed an April Fools Day joke.

Champ the chimpanzee is not really heading for the UK, so anyone worried in East Kent, Sussex or Bristol can put down their binoculars now.

Because, of course, Champ is already one and a half days into his flight to Mars, as planned.

Tom

incredible, amazing news just in...!

2009-04-01T02:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been a while...my Master has been beavering away in His study and I've not had much of an opportunity to get on the PC!

Until now...and what a now this is!

News has just broken (or leaked) from the European Space Agency in Moscow this morning about a rogue space rocket manned by a fourteen-year-old chimpanzee called Champ. The launch of the rocket, which was destined for a 105-day trip to Mars, was meant to coincide with the simulated journey currently being undertaken by astronauts in a secret location in Moscow.

It is understood from information gathered by an insider animal rights campaigner that Champ has been trained in the use of communication, linguistics and rocket steering equipment since his second birthday; first in America, and then in various locations around Europe. It is rumoured that Champ had a special device surgically implanted in his visual and speech cortexes which allows him to communicate whilst in flight via certain verbal signals similar in pattern to the old-fashioned Morse code.

Soon after take-off in Moscow at 09-00 hours morning, ground control were left in complete shock when they apparently received unexpected signals from Champ along the lines of: I'm not going to Mars. I'm going where I've always wanted to go.

Chief primatologist and linguistics expert, Professor A.R.P. Li , who had worked with Champ for the past six years in isolation, has said that Champ is the brightest primate who has ever lived and it comes as no surprise that he would take his life into his own hands. Nonetheless, he said, "Why Champ should ever want to live in East Kent, England is a complete mystery."

The signal from the spacecraft broke up soon after Champ's last message...although the final words have been translated as no, not East Kent...Portishead, Brist---.

It is believed that Champ once had relatives living in the area. Security forces have been put on full alert in the UK and aircraft from airports in Bristol, Sussex and Kent have all been grounded until further notice.

Champ is expected to re-enter the earth's atmosphere some time around mid-day.

Who could ever get bored with real life...!

Caio for now,

Tom

Birthday Wishes

2009-03-12T03:20:00.001-07:00

It was my Mistress's birthday yesterday. My Master gave her some lovely presents including an unusual necklace, Hotel Chocolat chocs, champagne, then He took Her out for lunch. Lots of other things are still planned for a long weekend of celebrations, including a trip to the Young Vic to see King Lear. Last weekend, He also took Her to see the opera, Madama Butterfly. On Friday, He is taking Her out to dinner...and a couple of surprises along the way no doubt.

As for my Master? He's been a bit quiet of late. Nothing to post at all about His life or mine. The initial excitment of the launch has settled down now. He is playing Bowie less and less. He is leaving his first novel behind and thinking a great deal about the next book. I know He is, by the pacing on the landing, the pacing in the kitchen and the hall. He paces like a caged animal, but in His face is an expression of freedom, the freedom of a new story. He has been jotting things down in his notebook and on the whiteboard in the study. He has been mumbling things in the evenings about characters, themes, plots and sub-plots. I quite like this stage of his process. He's predictably unpredictable, just like a Bearded Collie.

I'll keep you posted of developments...

Bow wow caio,

Tom

Being a Martian...

2009-02-28T02:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxCj2MO02AE

It seems you can become a Martian...if you want...go see bluechrome's website : http://www.bluechrome.co.uk/

And if you don't get Martian status, you can still qualify for a free book from bluechrome!

More pics from the launch last Thursday...

2009-02-26T03:26:00.000-08:00

Well, it hardly feels like a whole week since the launch of my Master's novel...but there you go...

And here are a few more pics sent through by my Master's sister, Angela. She's not in any of the pics because she's the photographer.

Caio for now,

Tom

A Night To Remember (and Names Never To Be Forgotten)

2009-02-23T00:24:00.000-08:00

My Master's book launch was a roaring success, it appears. The photos taken on the night might not illustrate that there were 80+ people in the audience, and about 60 novels were signed and sold at the end of the evening.

So, thank you to each and every one of the audience and double thank you to those who now have a copy of the novel.

"Thank you" was the order of the night, apparently. First off was the delightful Patricia Debney (Canterbury Laureate, novelist, poet, colleague and friend) who introduced Andrew in a most beautiful and generous way. Then He stood up and thanked Patricia for the wonderful things she said but also for being so vital in His transition from historian to fiction-writer some years ago.

Then, He went on to thank a lot of people including His parents, sister, writing friends, the two universities of Kent and Christ Church, Anthony Delgrado at bluechrome, Katie at Waterstone's for organising such a great event, Mr D, et al...

...though in the heat of the moment, He forgot perhaps the most important person in the creation and successful launching of A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man: His Wife, Janice!!! No doubt He will be paying for that for some time to come...!? She is, after all, the powerhouse behind the writer.

And speaking of forgetting and the heat of the moment...I will apologise on His behalf to all those lovely people who queued up for ages for Him to sign their copies of the novel, only for Him to have a sudden mental block with their names...some of them are His friends! Their names are now etched in his brain: Jane, Neil, Glynis, Richanda, Mia, and I'm sure there are others!?

He's blaming adrenalin and excitement for all of these lapses (not champagne). But He's very sorry if you were on the receiving end. And quite embarrassed too.

That said, the night was a complete success. His reading didn't seem to offend anyone, including His parents. His novel now sits in the Waterstone's "recommended" section. It rests beside many of His writing heroes and completely coincidentally those mentioned in his novel(!!!): Proust, McEwan, Carver, Marquez...which fills Him full of pride and excitement. It has been a long, but very worthwhile, journey.

More photos of the event will be posted later this week. But I hope for now, these show how marvellous the launch was.

Bow wow,

Tom

Gawd help the world!

2009-02-19T04:29:00.000-08:00

Well, today is the day my Master launches his novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man. He just spoke on the phone to the lovely Katie from Waterstone's in Canterbury. It appears that someone intrigued enough by the window display and the book cover went in and bought a copy of the novel. After all, this is what it is all about, isn't it? Writers like people to read their work.

Anyway, it's pretty funny at the moment because He's been trying to find a bit from the book to read which won't offend the sensibilities of friends and family, or even strangers. He was toying with the idea of just reading the acknowledgements page (!), but then decided exactly which part to read.

If you're free tonight, do pop along to hear the reading, drink a glass of wine, maybe buy your own copy of the novel. He will sign it for you, of course. I'm biased, naturally, but I think it is a very interesting debut novel.

7pm, Waterstone's, Rose Lane, Canterbury.

It's just a shame I can't be there myself. Dogs not being allowed.

Bow wow,

Tom

How much is that bookie in the window...?

2009-02-15T11:07:00.001-08:00

Bella goes to Waterstone's!

And look what she finds...!

The book launch is getting closer: Thursday 19 February at Waterstone's (Rose Lane), Canterbury, at 7pm.

All welcome.

Tom

bizarre twist of fate

2009-02-15T06:07:00.000-08:00

In the early hours of this morning a terrible fire took hold of a building in the seaside resort of Blackpool. A 21-year-old man has just been arrested on suspicion of arson. A witness recorded the blaze on his mobile phone:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7891070.stm

It is only a vicious rumour that it was a copycat offence taken from the cult novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man (released this week), though the similarities to the fictional fire started in the seaside town of Broadstairs, Kent, are curiously similar, even down to the witness mobile recording.

The line between fact and fiction is indeed fine. Strange coincidences abound.

Tom

The Big Issue "Book of the Week"

2009-02-09T04:58:00.000-08:00

This is a terrific review of A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man.

The Big Issue pick of the week! All the more reason to go out and buy a copy when it hits the shelves, or order one from bluechrome or Amazon? You won't be disappointed. (Click on the image to read more easily!)

Feeling lovely,

Tom

More precise launch details: 19 Feb 2009

2009-02-04T02:40:00.000-08:00

LAUNCH:

Details of Andrew's launch at Waterstone's, Canterbury can now be found on the University of Kent's website, as well as on Waterstone's site:

http://www.kent.ac.uk/campusonline/campusnews.html?id=19febmcguinnessbooklaunch.txt

And they've done a very good job of making it all so clear too.

Tom

You might not believe this!

2009-02-03T06:15:00.000-08:00

Ever since my Master got involved in the media (He might be a fully-fledged fiction-writer now but He once did some work for BBC Scotland you know!) some really crazy things occasionally happen.

Take today. The doorbell goes (well, not the real doorbell because it's broken) and standing there is a man saying he's a reporter from Meridian TV. He's called Paul and he's come to do a cookery piece to camera in our kitchen.

Soon after, two attractive ladies arrive, laden down with what looks like shopping. The reporter goes into the kitchen to see what he's going to be working with (logistics, lighting etc), soon joined by the camera man, tripod, camera etc. Paul asks, politely, if someone has stolen my Master's kettle? 'Why?' my Master asks in complete ignorance. 'Oh, would you like a cup of tea?'

The two ladies in the lounge have written a lighthearted cookery book called DISH which goes on sale in February. "A dish for a dish, darling, " one of the ladies says to my Master, going on to explain the premise of the book, which as far as I understand it involves how to impress a man - or anyone else for that matter - with your cooking. But it's not just about good cooking, it's about the psychology of cooking.

The ladies are changing out of their winter boots and into their patent leather high heels. Wow! They are dressed in expensive-looking, but not OTT, boho-chique dresses. Most likely by a North London designer. They stand before the mirrors in the lounge putting on fresh make-up and brushing their hair. They look sassy, very impressive, very confident. One is called Penny, the other is called Sarah. Sarah has worked for everybody as a presenter and journalist: ITV, SKY, BBC etc. Together, they make a very interesting team. An up-to-date, 21st-century take on AbFAb perhaps? Green tea instead of champagne. They know how to play to the camera, and why not, it's their job.

They mike up and start to prepare. My Master shows them where the utensils are: pots, pans etc. And how the cooker works. They are going to cook fresh mackerel fillets with garlic, rosemary, butter. And some carrots and broccoli. Yummy, yummy in my tummy.

My Master for some reason thinks He's going to be the sous chef for the afternoon and appear later in the evening on Meridian News. He's even put his best t-shirt on.

But no - he's not going to do any cooking. It's the two ladies who are doing all the cooking. They just need to know where the fish slice is, and some plates.

About twenty minutes later, the aroma of freshly cooked fish wafts around the house, driving me and Bella to distraction. My Master tries some. It's really very good, and didn't cost much at all. Just a few pounds. In these credit-crunch days...quite a useful little recipe.

Then, the media circus leaves. My Master eats what's left of the meal just cooked. He gives me and Bella a pig's ear each to chew on. We ponder the meaning of it all.

And then...I notice something. My Master rooting through the freezer and finding some mackerel fillets. He's going to try out their recipe himself later tonight, and maybe watch the two sassy ladies on TV while He does; two ladies cooking mackerel in his kitchen. Our kitchen!

Bow wow,

Tom

Win £25 of book tokens and a copy of A Portrait

2009-02-03T05:26:00.000-08:00

Check out Canterbury Christ Church University Bookshop here:
http://www.canterbury.ac.uk/bookshop/special-offers/competitions.asp

Up until the end of February, they are offering £25 of book tokens AND a free copy of A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man, and all you have to do is write to them explaining why your favourite book is your favourite book! This can be fiction or non-fiction. Whatever.

The best entry, as judged by Andrew McGuinness, will win the abovementioned prizes and their book of choice will be stocked by the bookshop at a specially discounted price so that everyone else can see why your choice was a good one, or not!

It's all a matter of taste and opinion, you see. So why don't you pop along to their site, check out the details and state your opinion/express your taste in reading. You never know, you could win. The winner's entry will be posted on their site too.

You have until the end of February...

Tom

Book launch details

2009-02-02T04:16:00.001-08:00

For details about the launch of Andrew McGuinness's debut novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man, at Waterstone's (Rose Lane), Canterbury, on Thursday 19th February, 7pm, please click below:

http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/displayDetailEvent.do?searchType=2&store=732WATERSTONE%27S%20CANTERBURY%20ROSE%20L&sFilter=1

Rumour has it that Mr David Bowie is on the guest list! I heard this on the grapevine...and I'm sure it isn't quite true...but I know for a fact that David Bowie's friend (and personal business manager) - who's been very kind with permissions regarding the use of some of David Bowie's most iconic songs in the novel - has been invited along. So, I suppose it is like David Bowie by proxy?

In any case, it's sure to be a very interesting literary event with a short reading from the novel, booksigning, a free glass of wine, and the chance to bump into a lot of fascinating writers too. I know this because many people are already replying positively to invitations.

You could turn up on the night, but to be absolutely sure of a place, it might be a sensible idea to reserve one with Waterstone's on 01227 452 354...?

Or you could be a rebel rebel...!

Bow wow caio,

Tom

New Year and a newer cover (slightly)

2009-01-27T05:58:00.000-08:00

Well, it would really take a bookcoverspotter to detect all of the changes to the front of the novel which is due out in a couple of weeks...but it has involved a change of font and the addition of a quote.

I've really grown fond of this cover.

Interview for The Big Issue

2009-01-27T02:59:00.000-08:00

Last night, The Big Issue conducted an 11th hour telephone interview with Andrew McGuinness about his novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man. I was listening outside the door.

From what I heard, it was very interesting. Lots of talk about James Joyce, Raymond Carver, Patricia Highsmith, Sigmund Freud et al. The interview lasted about an hour. A piece will be appearing in The Big Issue Cymru either this week or next. So, if you're in Wales and pass a Big Issue vendor, please do stop for a chat with him/her and buy a copy.

Lord Tom...?

2009-01-23T03:20:00.000-08:00

My Master's publisher, bluechrome, are pulling out all the stops and coming up with some surprising promotional offers in 2009. Please visit their blog:

http://bluechromeblog.blogspot.com/

If you pre-order the novel "Doggone" by Erik Ryman for £8.99, you'll get another novel entirely free (maybe you could ask for A Portrait of the Arsonist?) AND the chance to become a Lord or a Lady too!

I always knew I was born for greater things than plain old Tom. The portrait of me (above) in which I do indeed look of Byronic blue blood, was commissioned by my Master some years ago...it took about three years for the artist to complete the portrait on account of my inability to sit still for longer than two minutes at any given sitting. But what a portrait. Certainly, I hope you'll agree, the artist - who has since died from stress brought on by the gargantuan effort to paint me - has captured the nobility which is in my very bones. And not the bones I've hidden around the house either. In my very soul I know there is a greater, higher purpose: Lord Tom.

Anyway, if you'd genuinely like to become a Lord or Lady ahead of me, you should pop along to their website asap. You could win the title, a plot of land (okay, it's barely large enough to sit on, but it's a foothold for future expansion) fishing rights (never to be sniffed at) and deeds to it all. You also get an interesting couple of novels into the bargain. And one of those might even be A Portrait of the Arsonist (as opposed to a portrait of Lord Tom of which there sadly can only ever be one).

What are you doggone waiting for...?

Bow wow,

Tom

The great novel offer of the year has been extended...

2009-01-21T04:24:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard by now, it's very likely that you didn't win the free, new stylophone from bluechrome as part of their amazing book offer. Sorry. But well done to Roger of Newcastle upon Tyne.

Anyway, at least everyone else can count their blessings, perhaps, that they won't be annoying their nearest and dearest with electronic renditions of Space Oddity and Don't You Want Me Baby. And you'll still get a free novel sent to you, along with A Portrait of the Arsonist, of course.

Bluechrome have just announced that - for a lmited period only - they are going to continue offering a free novel with all pre-publication orders of A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man directly through them. But hurry, while stocks last! No more stylophones though...

http://www.bluechrome.co.uk/store/shop/

Tom

For all the tomorrow people

2009-01-14T07:47:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow - Thursday 15 January - is the last day to pick up a genuinely novel bargain from bluechrome publishing.

Apologies if you're not a tomorrow person, i.e. you've already taken advantage of the amazing offer, but if you haven't, please go see bluechrome's website for all the details of how to pre-order A Portrait of the Arsonist for just £10 and get another bluechrome novel absolutely free, free p&p, etc etc:

http://www.bluechrome.co.uk/store/shop/

Other than that, no news, so here's the teasing video trailer again:

Official Launch of Debut Novel

2009-01-09T02:28:00.000-08:00

It has recently been confirmed that the official launch of A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man (published by bluechrome) will take place at Waterstone's, 6-8 Rose Lane, Canterbury, from 7pm, on Thursday 19th February!

And you are warmly invited!

The event is absolutely free and includes a free glass of wine or soft drink. Andrew will be giving a short reading from his novel, signing copies and generally milling around. It goes without saying, this is an excellent opportunity to snap up your personally signed copy of the novel, raise a fresh glass to its arrival, hear an excerpt (or two) from the book and ask him any burning questions you may have about the writing process, A Portrait of the Arsonist, or anything else, come to think of it. He'd be only too pleased to answer.

It's sure to be an exciting night. Really hope you can make it.

There are a couple of large car parks close to the venue, and the nearest train station is Canterbury East. For more information about the event, please contact Waterstone's on 01227 452 354.

Bow wow wow,

Tom

Stylophoniacs convention?

2009-01-08T02:52:00.000-08:00

From Bowie's seminal Laughing Gnome to classical adagios, the stylophone is clearly suitable for all ages and musical tastes. If you check out YouTube you'll find The Stylophone Ensemble who have the best players out there at the moment. Bluechrome's blog have an interesting rendition of the Gnome song, but there are versions of Bohemian Rhapsody, songs by Jimi Hendrix, and all sorts. You can play just about anything from Mozart to Kraftwerk if you want to. And if you find other stylophoniacs...on a train...around your shopping centre...you can try some polyphonic compositions.

To win a stylophone absolutely free, you'll need to hurry over to bluechrome before 15 January. And you'll also need to pre-order A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man. But don't worry, it's well-worth £10 and you get another bluechrome novel absolutely free too.

Sorry to bang on about it, but as I'm always telling Bella, one shouldn't look a gifthorse in the mouth, whatever that means.

Bow wow,

Tom

be a rebel rebel this year

2009-01-06T04:12:00.000-08:00

Only 9 days remain of bluechrome's amazing promotional offer: pre-order A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man directly from their website http://www.bluechrome.co.uk/store/shop/ by 15 January, and you will receive another mystery novel from bluechrome and the chance to win a musical icon, ALL FOR £10.

What are you waiting for! Be a rebel rebel in 2009.

Bow wowie,
Tom

A Winter's Tale (with me in it!)

2008-12-21T09:01:00.000-08:00

Every now and then, my Master has the good sense to include me (in a cameo role) in one of His stories. And I'm very pleased to say that only just today he has added a short story to His website: www.andrewmcguinness.co.uk short story section, called Snow Moon. And I'm in it!
And not just a cameo role either.

It's His way of wishing me, you, and everyone, a Very Happy Christmas.

Tom

Wow! Just too good to ignore!

2008-12-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

Bluechrome (publishers extraordinaire) have just made an offer that readers would be just plain crazy to turn down:

If you pre-order a copy of A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man directly through their website, http://bluechromeblog.blogspot.com/
before the deadline of January 15 2009, they will send you the novel, pre-official publication date, for just £10, AND you will be sent another bluechrome novel, absolutely FREE! That's FREE P&P too!!!

I know, it's mental, but excellent news if you enjoy reading really great fiction and want to discover some exciting new writing voices in the new year too.

But wait! It gets even BETTER!

When you pre-order your copy of The Arsonist, you will be automatically entered into a FREE PRIZE DRAW to WIN a brandspanking new STYLOPHONE, just like the one played by David Bowie on Space Oddity!!! You are not forced to dress up like David Bowie of the period either. You can play it to your heart's content, and family's dismay, through the whole of 2009!!! AND at no financial cost.

I call this an absolute bargain for a TENNER: My Master's debut novel (already receiving some fabulous reviews) pre-publication date, another bluechrome novel FOR FREE, FREE P&P, and the chance to win an iconic musical gift too. You really can't lose.

For full details of how to pre-order A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man for just £10, and claim your free second novel, and entry into the free draw, please visit the bluechrome website asap, or certainly before 15 January, 2009: http://www.bluechrome.co.uk/store/shop/item.asp?itemid=192&catid=

If you spend just one tenner wisely on books this credit-crunch Christmas, you could do far worse than take full advantage of this quite amazing offer.

Bow wowie,
Tom

PS: For information
bluechrome news
bluechrome publishing, PO Box 109, Portishead, Bristol. BS20 7ZJ
December 2008

Not To Oversell This, But Could It Be The Greatest Special Offer In The World....Ever?

Announcing The Debut Novel, 'A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man', from Andrew McGuinness - Now Available to Pre-Order.

February sees the delayed launch of Andrew McGuinness' debut novel, and we are pleased to say that it is more than worthy of the wait.

To celebrate this excellent book, bluechrome are happy to announce a fantastic special offer that will see every person who pre-orders A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man from our web site before 15th January, receiving a second novel with our compliments.

A fantastic opportunity to discover a new author and a fine book, but that is not all. Due to some form of madness, we have also decided that a free book isn't enough, and that one lucky pre-ordering person will be selected at random and will be given a genuine Stylophone, so that they too can make all of those strange sounds David Bowie included in his classic song, A Space Oddity.

So, to summarise, if you pre-order a copy of Andrew's novel on or before the 15th January 2009, not forgetting that it is for a bargain Ten Pounds including P&P (in the UK,) direct from the publisher at www.bluechrome.co.uk, we will send you in addition to this fine book, another beautifully written and presented book that happens to be one of our other novels. We will then include you in a free draw and somebody somewhere will be the proud owner of a lovely Stylophone, like the ones Rolf Harris used to advertise in the olden days.
To place your order, visit www.bluechrome.co.uk

About A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man:

This novel reveals in compulsive prose a 21st Century tale of celebrity-obsession, identity crisis and personality disorder. Ben Tippet's "novel autobiography" is ostensibly a self-portrait, but the arsonist's tale takes broader strokes, painting the landscape of a contemporary world hooked on sex, fame and fortune. Nuanced with literary and pop-cultural references, it explores universal themes of love, loss, sex and death.

What people are saying about Andrew's fiction:

"Sharp-eyed, poignant, convincing, finely focused, impressive dark comedy" - Alison MacLeod, The Wave Theory of Angels.

"Superb" - Phil Whitaker, Freak of Nature.

"Fluid and stylish, highly readable and enjoyable. A sustained achievement." - Flambard Press.

"Witty and intriguing" - Scott Pack, The Friday Project.

"A distinctive voice, lyrical, and very enjoyable plot" - Bookbag.

About Andrew McGuinness:

Andrew was born to Irish parents in a basement flat in Hammersmith, the year England won the World Cup. One of six children, he later moved to a council estate in Hertfordshire. He discovered a love of books through his father’s job in a publisher’s storage depot. After achieving a first class honours degree and MA in history, he taught at the universities of Northumbria, Glasgow and Manchester and co-wrote a seminal text on British medieval seals, published on both sides of the Atlantic. He then retrained as a secondary school teacher and worked in and around Newcastle for several years. He currently teaches creative writing at both the University of Kent and Canterbury Christ Church University. He recently co-edited Night Train 5, an anthology of prose and poetry and is this year's short fiction judge for The New Writer magazine. Andrew’s first novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man, is published by bluechrome, as will his first collection of short stories, Kafka's Chair and Other Bad Luck Stories. He lives in Kent with his wife and two dogs.

A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man by Andrew McGuinness is to be launched in February 2009 with a series of author events and media appearances.
ISBN: 978-1906061500Publisher: bluechrome publishing
Dimensions: 138mm x 216mm
Pages: 320
Distributor: Central BooksVisit http://www.bluechrome.co.uk/ for Trade Information
Author Web Site: http://www.andrewmcguinness.co.uk/
Author Blog: andrewmcguinness.blogspot.com

©2008 bluechrome publishing

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

Pre-order this week and get a free gift from bluechrome!!!

2008-12-11T06:16:00.000-08:00

According to bluechrome's website, http://bluechromeblog.blogspot.com/, you will get a free gift if you pre-order a copy of the novel this week. Should be worth checking it out...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Portrait-Arsonist-Young-Man/dp/1906061505/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228920388&sr=1-3

So, the truth is out...

2008-12-11T04:57:00.000-08:00

It was going to happen sooner or later...the Paparazzi would finally catch up with me...and the journoes would be knocking at my door...and going through my wheelie bin.

Other than being a faithful servant and best friend to my Master and Mistress, and a regular dog-blogger, I do also occasionally perform duties as an actor. It's not everything it's cracked up to be, being a dog actor, and I'm not in the same league as say Lassie, but it does help pay for the extra Bonios.

My breakthrough came in 2006 with The Shaggy Dog. My stage name back then was "Coal". I was paid quite a lot in kind (mainly maltesars which didn't last very long), but I can't say it was a happy time in my life. The producers wouldn't let me do my own stunts, instead using a stunt double...which was a real bore...and although Tim Allen was quite nice to me, his breath was worse than mine. Robert Downey Jnr was lots of fun...he took me to lots of fun clubs in L.A. But what got to me the most during shooting was the dubbing over of my voice. They weren't sure about my bark...it was "too real" or something...and they used a voice double. So what you see on screen is me (especially the close-ups), but what you hear isn't, and all the action sequences aren't me either.

I'm not one to complain though. Hollywood was an eye-opener. Not every dog can claim to have cocked his leg on Robert Downey Jnr.

After a year of convalescing (hanging about in Downtown LA), I was approached by a British film company who were going to make a short film about the use and abuse of cocaine. It was part of a Government initiative. Would I be interested in the lead role? I told them to send my agent the script. But my agent told them to get stuffed...what money was in it for him and me? he said.

But I had seen the script already, thought it looked pretty sharp, and a worthwhile cause (you know, giving something back) and the voice over was going to be David Mitchell (the comedian, not the writer) and I like David Mitchell, so I sacked my agent and signed the contract for a miserly box of chocolates.

I was flown back to the UK, to the obvious delight of my Master and Mistress, who'd been wondering where the hell I'd got to, and filming started pretty soon after.

However, there was huge problem, the director said upon meeting me in the flesh, bone and fur: "Look at the size of you?" he said. "You're supposed to be a skinnymalinks...a hardened drugs mule...we'll have to put you on an emergency diet!"

It was true, of course, I have to admit. I'd let things slide after The Shaggy Dog. Too many maltesars, too many parties with too many snacks. My good friend, "Rubbery" Downey Jnr was just the same. I'd been living in his condo in the hills and we'd pigged out big style!

So, for my art, I went on a strict diet, too painful to mention here, but at least it involved some yoga...and lots of running in the parks around Shepperton Studios. I lost half my body weight. I also spent a lot of time in make-up for this shoot. That scar down my middle took five hours each time. They thinned down my hair, dyed it a mucky colour. When I looked at the mirror in my trailer, I didn't recognise myself. I had changed my stage name to "Pablo" too. My new agent said it would give me more street cred than "Coal".

So, here's the latest film I'm in. A film short, I should say. I quite enjoyed playing the lead in a gritty film; something for young adults rather than children for a change. I got to meet David Mitchell (he wanted to meet me before characterising his voice or something). I don't know about that; he just sounds the same as he always does. However, he was very funny and did buy me some fries with my salad, I remember.

So, here's something different for Christmas, something white and powdery instead of snow I mean: Snow good, Cocaine bad.

Does Santa Claus aka Father Christmas exist?

2008-12-09T07:08:00.001-08:00

Forgive me for bringing this old chestnut up - which Beardies are known to do from time to time if they eat too many - but the question of the existence of SC (aka FC) has raised its bearded head once again.

Clever Bella (aka Bella Lugosi if she's bad or TinkerBella if she's good) has been asking me about this "character" called SC. She's been reading lots of women's magazines and watching too much TV and getting rather excited by the prospect of mince pies. More particularly, she's developed a keen sense of SC and sometimes sits in front of the fireplace waiting for him to fall down the chimney bearing a sack full of gifts. She grows very anxious when a fire is lit...just in case he's stuck in the chimney stack.

Now normally, I'd see it as my duty (as the elder Beardie) to put Bella straight on the fictionality of SC. It's only right to tell Bella the truth, isn't it? She might be very young and this might be her first Christmas, but disappointing her now might prevent any longer lasting psychological damage that continual pretence can bring. But exactly how to tell her...without breaking her heart?

So, I decided to tell her that Weardie-Beardies have their own SC and he is actually a legendary wolf-dog that lives in Alaska. And there's no way he can get to everyone's house by Christmas this year because he spends most of his time looking for food in the snow. You see, he was once a regal wolf and wore an elegant long red cape to signify his royal lineage and tenure. Every winter, he used to distribute offcuts donated by local trappers to all the good dogs in the neighbourhood. But now it's the credit crunch and he had to sell his cape to feed his own wolf pups. But every now and then, you can still hear him calling from the wild Alaskan woods, can hear him howling from the steep white peaks and slopes, his humble and dignified apology. All you need to do, Bella, is howl back when you hear the call of the wild. It's time SC was given a gift all for himself, Bella.

Oh dear, now I've created another mythology altogether!

Anyway, that was what I told her. And now (perhaps to my shame), she lingers by the fireplace only for warmth, not a sack of gifts. And to her genuine credit, as a Weirdie-Beardie, when she hears a siren outside it is very like a howl, and we sit in the garden together howling to an Alaskan deity. She takes comfort from giving rather than receiving which makes my heart glow.

I also know for a fact that my Master and Mistress have already planned on giving us some rather tasty gifts over Christmas, so Bella will be rewarded for being more TinkerBella than Bella Lugosi...one hopes...

Bow wow caio,
Tom

A Wombling Christmas?

2008-12-07T03:46:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a very disturbing, but nonetheless thought-provoking, dream in which I was kidnapped by The Wombles. In the dream, they took me back to their burrow and fed me blackberries, chocolate cake and lemonade. They talked a lot about the old days, and being on Top of the Pops with their Christmas song. They were all very friendly, especially Orinocho and Wellington. In the morning, they told me an outrageous story about how they appeared on Blue Peter, performing Anarchy in the UK!

Clearly then, I knew I had to have been dreaming. I woke up properly this time and The Wombles had vanished. I was lying, however, in a bed full of rubbish: crisp packets, an empty bottle of lemonade and there were strange chocolate footprints all over my top sheet. Maybe it was Bella? I noticed she was staring at me with a wide grin on her chops, so it could have been...but deep down I'd like to think that The Wombles live on, somewhere, and not just at Christmas.

But the strangest thing happened later...when I discovered a Wombles video on Youtube...when the fine line between dreaming and being awake, between fiction and fact, disappeared!

Woof bow wow,
Tom

'Tis the season...

2008-12-04T03:44:00.000-08:00

Well, there comes a time when every man, woman, child, and dog should grow up...that is until the panto comes to town and the reverse is true! My Master and Mistress go every year to The Marlowe Theatre in Canterbury.

I suspect He went because of a crush on Emma Barton, the actress who plays Honey in Eastenders. Who knows? She plays Snow White in this year's panto production of SW and the 7 Dwarfs. And you can see a youtube trailer at the end of this post.

How was the show this year..?

Fantastic, apparently. Certainly, They were full of chatter when they got home.

'What do you want from a good panto?' my Master asked rhetorically upon his return from the theatre. 'Good songs professionally sung, well-choreographed dance routines, some of the worst - but strangely amusing- puns in the world, audience participation, magic tricks, seven individual and very comic dwarfs, a very evil wickedy queen...'

'Not to mention Emma Barton as Snow White,' my Mistress added.

'Yes, she was alright,' He replied. 'And she did actually look like Snow White.'

'As if there is an actual real-life Snow White,' She said, ruffling my Weirdie-Beardie ears.

'Who's Snow White?' said Bella, and They stroked her face.

'If Snow White can live in an imagination,' I said, 'she can be real.'

'Oh listen to Tom,' my Master said. 'Sounds like he needs a walk around the block. Come on old boy.'

Old boy. That's what He calls me when He's in a decent mood. Does wonders for your confidence that. You see, now that I have Bella, a much younger pup than myself, and she makes me chase her and move more than I have been recently, I too feel a little younger. There's a spring in my step again. Perhaps Bella is my Snow White...? But don't tell Bella...!

Seasonal greetings and goodbyeings,
Tom

TomTom's Sat Nag

2008-12-02T01:53:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make: every now and then, I Google myself. It's not a crime, is it? Yes, I type in my name, Tom, and get millions of hits. To focus my search today, I put in "Tom" twice, as in TomTom and got a Sat Nav site.

My Master and Mistress have a Sat Nav. It tells them what to do if they get lost driving the car and is connected to satellites. Perhaps the same kind of satellites which tell the American Army where to bomb next..? Sometimes the satellites are right and sometimes they are not.

Anyway, I can't stand the Sat Nav. The voice of the Sat Nav drives me mad. I know it drives Them mad too; they just won't admit it. And when the car speeds up, the volume increases automatically, so that you can't even hear yourself bark. AT THE NEXT JUNCTION TURN AROUND, YOU'RE LOST!

Anyhow, I surfed around a bit and discovered a perfect gift for Christmas, and if I had any money I'd buy it for them. It's called the "Sat Nag". Yeah, it's perhaps a bit sexist, as if female drivers keep forgetting which side of the car the petrol goes in...and losing their car keys which makes them half an hour late for everything...and it's not what you said but how you said it etc...but it is quite funny. I've actually heard it being said in the car more than once!

At less than £8, it might bring a smile at Christmas, though like most gifts the novelty might wear off pretty quickly. And he might say, "Why do I want one of those when I've got a natural one in the car already?"

Only joking.

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/sat-nag/index.html

Bow wow,
Tom

Killers: Day and Age review

2008-12-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

My Master bought this album before it was reviewed on Newsnight Review last Friday. I didn't really know what He thought about the album until He was forced to write a review of their album. He was forced to write only in response to the "baffoons" on BBC Newsnight. (I found a crumpled up piece of paper in His study bin).

His review should be seen in the light of what he heard on the BBC, on whose "cultural review" programme there was a journalist, a fiction-writer, a priest (in dog collar) and a music critic.

Day and Age:

What could be simpler - and more wrong - than a BBC cultural review programme?

Last night, four intelligent people completely misunderstood an album by The Killers called Day and Age. They said it was "like Abba", "Eurovison", "something between Coldplay and U2". The lyrics were "confusing" and "contradictory".

Nothing could be further from the truth.

This is a delightfully eclectic album; musically and lyrically. In a way, the album makes direct and indirect references to music from the early 1980s: Talking Heads (This is Your Life), The Cure (Goodnight, Travel Well), Sparks (Neon Tiger) et al. No one could say these were not influential and/or thought-provoking bands. There were a lot of other, much worse, bands going on at the time.

There's not a hint of Abba. Indeed, some of the songs are quite dark in intention and meaning. There was never a track like Goodnight, Travel Well on an Abba album, of that I'm sure. It's very depressing, and goes some way in perhaps explaining why a flock of younger believers are fleeing orthodox religion - to find a priest on the BBC misunderstanding such a song, given it is about the passing of a life and the transmigration of the soul. I was physically/emotionally moved by the song, its human and metaphysical implication. The established Church is genuinely out of touch culturally with its flock, and there is nothing they can do about it, it would seem.

The same goes for the writer/reveiwer on the programme. She's a novelist, yet cannot understand metaphor and symbolism, which nearly all of the songs are built upon. In track 2, Human, - where the song's narrator says his signs are vital but his hands are cold and he's on his knees looking for the answer...are we human or are we dancer?- he is referencing Hunter S Thompson, and perhaps Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep/Bladerunner. i.e. the questioning of the human soul.

Indeed, the word "soul" crops up quite a lot in the album. So too does the idea of idealism. There is romance, politics, social enquiry...quite a lot of questionig of who or what we are as human beings. How often do you find this in a pop-rock album that's so catchy?

But there's a danger of missing the music in this review. If you want to dance, you can dance (a lot) to this album; if you want to chant anthem-like, you can match Coldplay; if you want to sink into the meaning of lyrics (more intelligent than Coldplay), you can do so. For sure, The Killers can write some damn catchy songs - you will be humming them in your head for a long time.

Day and Age has some weak songs but the majority are terrific and thoughtful and even addictive. The album might even turn out to be a modern pop-rock classic.

Does this sound like Abba

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TiRgJQehvuw

Answers

2008-12-01T04:09:00.003-08:00

Well, I wasn't inundated with blogging answers to the weekend koan about the key to life, but someone did say to me that the answer is this: the door is in the eye of the beholder...

Which sounds very painful indeed. Maybe another koan to meditate on...

I guess she means happiness, like beauty, is personal. And I wouldn't argue with that. I'm still at a meditational loss, however, as to when a bone is not a bone...

What I've realised over the years is that the most important questions in a human's life do not have one answer, but many, and sometimes the question is more valid than the answer. This must be true of the jokes in Christmas crackers, surely?

Tom

A weekend Koan

2008-11-28T01:46:00.000-08:00

Over a number of years, my Master has dabbled with Zen. Not as much as say Leonard Cohen (AKA Len Koan), but enough to realise that there is much in the philosophy to improve life on Earth. The biggest aspect of this, according to my Master, is the Zen paradox or puzzle upon which one might meditate.

It's quite a catchy past time and I've even been known to throw up a few riddles of my own, such as: when is a bone not a bone? What's a dog and Elvis Presley have in common? And my current favourite, who feeds time?

Oftentimes, I've stared at an empty bowl and meditated on such things. And does this make me a happier dog? More contented? More understanding of the world? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Anyway, I discovered one of my Master's koans on a scrumpled up piece of paper in the waste-paper bin this morning. (He was rushing into town for the barber's).

It goes like this: if the key to life is happiness, where is the door?

Answers on a postage stamp, please.

Tom

Dear Reader, thank you for your patience

2008-11-27T07:58:00.000-08:00

Now it has been made official, I wanted to let people know in good time that the novel will be published in February, 2009. Apologies (and thank you!) to anyone who has pre-ordered the book; you won't have it in time for Christmas, but hopefully in time for Valentine's. Not that the novel is a classical romance...although there is a love story of sorts...

What this probably means is that you now have time to tell all of your family, friends and complete strangers about the book over your turkey and trimmings or vegetarian alternative...and how you've been waiting forever for the Arsonist.

I'm hoping you won't be disappointed when it eventually arrives. If nothing else, you'll be shocked, I'm sure.

It has been a long, meandering road...but all roads lead somewhere (apart from a Talking Heads road, of course).

That said, I'm off for a walk now, along another road...

Tom

Review: A Fair Cop, by Michael Bunting

2008-11-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

In August 1997 PC Michael Bunting attended a call which would change his life forever. Expecting to find a domestic scene of violence in Leeds, PC Bunting ended up being the victim of a savage attack himself; an attack which entailed physical and psychological injury, and time off work to recover.

Surprisingly, a counter-charge of assault was also lodged against him by his attacker. As a result of further investigations, a lot of public money, and a torturous and unprecedented trial, PC Bunting was convicted of common assault and sent to prison for four months. Within minutes of being in prison, his life was already threatened.

This book tells PC Bunting's story; how he'd originally pursued a job as a policeman (following proudly in the footsteps of his father), the sometimes perilous, harrowing and difficult tasks the police force undertake on our behalf: burglaries, dealing with suicide, natural death and rioting, among other things.

But what focuses the mind of the writer - and the reader in particular - is unquestionably the night of the attack itself. In gruesome detail, we have an account of that night, the violence, and its life-long repercussions, not least of a policeman spending time in a prison with convicts who'd like to "carve him up" like a pig, then being sent to an open prison where he suffers more physical harm.

Certain words recur in this autobiography and they sum up the general feeling of the narrator when he remembers the past: dread, danger, depression. PC Bunting has suffered them all. The events of a short police career and a life as a convict might have destroyed a weaker man, but Micheal Bunting's story is ultimately one of survival. Key to his renaissance is the love of his family, belief in friends, and God. Without these, he says, he may have killed himself; something the author attempted behind bars.

If you read this book, you'll understand how important these factors were to his survival, against a background of perpetual violence and sick abuse in prison. You'll never want to eat scrambled eggs again, for sure.

It would be easy to dwell on the gritty elements of this book, and there are many (how can there not be in prison, as a former police officer?), but for me the final message is one of triumph over adversity. Though you'll have to read it to discover how and why.

Having read and thought about this book, two mysteries still haunt me as a reader: Why did a police officer at the original scene of crime give such damning evidence against PC Bunting later in court? Why was the judge so willing to a) convict him on thin evidence and b) exact a full custodial sentence?

It is never said directly in the book (only implied) that, perhaps, PC Bunting was made an example of by the police authorities and judiciary.

Certainly, there is something Kafkaesque about the way the policeman was treated by the bureaucratic powers that be. But even now, having read the book, there is something foggy about that fateful and hugely consequential night in August 2007. CS gas, mild concussion etc. How can PC Bunting be - at one and the same time - a victim of terrible violence and a perpetrator of violence himself?

In a way, years on, the jury's still out. Make up your own mind. Read A Fair Cop. You will be appalled, bemused, fascinated, enthralled. Because life really is stranger than fiction.

My thanks to Scott Pack at The Friday Project for sending a copy for review.

trailer...properly configured

2008-11-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

Check it out!

2008-11-21T02:09:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been an interesting week, for Him rather than myself, what with readings and writing-in residence etc...

And now a brilliant film/video director has produced a fantastic promotional preview video for the novel too! You can watch it here, or by clicking on the youtube video bar on the main blog page:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=avoyTb_UaeM

Whoopitydoodaa!

Tom

How it went

2008-11-20T01:37:00.000-08:00

What can I say?

My Master returned very happy from His reading at the University on Tuesday night. On the way home He even bought a bag of chips and mushy peas, a clear indication of joy, but She had already prepared a two-course meal! They feasted in the glow of a fire She'd also readied in advance.

Then He told Her, Me and Bella the story:

It was a good turn out, maybe fifty people or more. Given this wasn't the actual launch of the novel (more like a taster for things to come in 2009), a very good show indeed. He was excellently introduced by Patricia Debney, friend (and brilliant writer). Then He introduced His novel, before reading two extracts.

Everyone must have been listening because they asked a lot of pertinent questions afterwards; everything from inspirations to processes, editing to themes etc.

Strangely, what He remembers most of all is the laughter in all the right places during the reading itself. A Portrait certainly has its darker aspects - how can it not with the serious crimes of arson and murder at its heart - but the novel also has lightness or humour, and it was great to hear the laughs, snorts and chuckles as well as the intense silences.

He was also very pleased to see some familiar faces in the audience: in particular a small group of friends who He'd exchanged his earliest short fiction with some seven years ago.

At the end of the evening a member of the audience came up and asked if He would be kind enough to sign a promotional flyer, in lieu of the book's publication. The truth is, He's never before signed anything other than formal documents for jobs, licenses, passports and cheques etc. Even though it was a flyer and not an actual book, He was proud to do so, or would have been had He had a pen on him. No writer worth his salt has a pen on his person. The young woman pulled out one of her own and handed it over. He asked for her name, then started signing the flyer.

One should never read too much into things in my opinion (there can't be symbolism in everything can there? even for a writer!). So when He was half way through signing His name and the woman's pen ran dry, He shouldn't have worried He was only half a man, only half a writer...by all accounts He is a writer. You see, the woman produced a second pen with which he re-scrawled his name. When He looked down at the flyer, He could see with His own eyes... that He was complete at last. He had written His first novel. And it had generated a lot of feedback. You can't ask for more than that. Not until His novel is in the hands of readers and on the shelves of booksellers.

He won't know this, but Bella and I are proud to know Him. Bella's especially keen to read the novel herself, but until I have drummed into her the basics of human words it is a thankless task. I may decide to read it to her one of these days instead.

Bow wow,
Tom

Are you free?

2008-11-17T05:32:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow (Tuesday 18 November) at 5-30 pm, my Master shall be giving a reading from his debut novel, A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man, at the University of Kent. It will be held in Darwin College.

The event is free and open to the public, so, if you fancy warming yourself by the fire of the arsonist's tale, do please go along to Canterbury, the literary home of tales. And while you're on campus, take advantage of the views down to the cathedral too. They are quite spectacular.

My Master has a profound fondness for the university, having been a history student there many moons ago. He left after getting two degrees, but has returned and now teaches creative writing. You might say He swapped fact for fiction in the interim period.

I don't think dogs are allowed...so I'll have to glean what I can after the event.

Tom

Just for one day...

2008-11-14T07:29:00.003-08:00

Right at this moment in time, my Master is waiting downstairs for my Mistress to return from town with the shopping. Normally, He's only ever interested in crisps, peanut butter, houmous and wine, but for once He is waiting for something quite different: the original 1977 David Bowie album - "Heroes".

He saw it while out and about last night, in the shop window of Oxfam, but the shop was closed then. Of course, it's almost madness buying it; sure to be scratched to hell after 31 years, and besides, it could have scratches the size of canyons because He doesn't have a hi-fi. They went out with free school milk, didn't they?

I suppose He just wants to connect with 1977 or David Bowie or something else? I guess He will put the album sleeve in a prominent place. Maybe He'll put His "Heroes" CD on and gaze at the album sleeve a while? I keep asking Him: what's with the Bowie thing, Master? Are you related to him or something? But he's lost in thought and time and space. Being a hero, just for one day.

Bow wowie,

Tom

The snail train - a dog's story

2008-11-12T06:53:00.001-08:00

Nothing ever seems to go right for my Master, and it's just as well...because it means He keeps us company all day.

Take today for instance. He was supposed to be taking His first class as part of the Writer-in Residence thingymedoodaa. In preparation for leaving me and Bella alone in the house for a few hours, He fills a large bowl of water and puts it in the big bedroom where He' intending to put me and Bella. This is just in case she decides to wreck the house in protest against His absence. Something not beyond her, I suspect.

To be honest, I don't mind it too much - it's the largest room in the house, and it has a bed I can really stretch out on. There's plenty of room for Bella too, though she prefers to lounge around on the carpet or in the hearth of the fireplace. Who can really explain puppy behaviour...?

Any old how, he doesn't put us in the room until the very last minute (He thinks He's being kinder this way). And He opens the back door to the garden so Bella or I can have a last-minute pee. He gets His bag ready for the school. While He's doing this, I convince Bella that the thing to do to keep Him in the house for longer is to drag an assortment of plants from the garden pots and borders into the hall, and up the stairs, and thrash all of the mud onto the carpet. Yes, stamp it in. She rushes out for more earth; rich, dark wet stuff. She tramples it in.

Then he comes down the stairs: "What the flamin Nora...?"

Bella wriggles up to Him, all apologies. She can be real cute like that. He looks at me and I shrug. He can't see the big smile under my whiskers. He starts hoovering; with only minutes to go before running for the train! My poor Master.

Before He can do this, He tempts us into the large room with Bonio biscuits. Bear in mind he only has fifteen minutes to get to the station to catch a train to Dover, where the school is located. But he's not getting me in to that room. Not today. No sir. I go "mental" on Him instead, hiding under the computer desk, gums and fangs at full mast.

But in the end I do what I'm told. At least there's a Bonio in it for me. Bella and I watch Him leaving; we get a great view through the slats of the upstairs blinds. He is a sad fellow, my Master. Nothin quite works out...

He runs to the station, bag over his shoulder (and what I heard next all comes later, during a phone call to Her).

The train's late. Then it arrives. He sits on the static train for half an hour. "The signals are down at Dover," the Tannoy says. "If this train moves at all, it will be like a snail and you'll have to get a bus from Shepherdswell to Dover in any case. Shepherdswell's in the middle of nowhere and nothin doin in Dover."

We hear my Master's familiar footsteps coming up the path to our front door. We look down through the blinds, see Him. Bella's brimming. He's only been gone 45 minutes but she's 10 on the puppy Richter scale of excitement.

"Tom," he says to me, as he opens the bedroom door. "And my Bella. Looks like the writer in residence is resident only at home today." He hangs His bag on a chair and phones the school to explain. He sends emails explaining too. Lots of explaining how awful the trains are. He takes us out for a walk instead. It's great. He feeds us again. Double great. Everything's back to how it should be, always.

And that's the story of the snail train.

Tom

RIP

2008-11-11T04:08:00.001-08:00

Silence was observed in our house today, on November 11, at 11am. Even Bella and I were quiet. The only sound was birds singing in the garden.

As BBC remembrance programmes have been indicating over the past week or so, everyone - no matter their age, class, gender or politics - will have a connection with the millions of men who died in the First World War. They might not know it personally, but they will have a personal connection somewhere in the past: a direct family member or friend of the family.

My Master doesn't know if Irishmen from his family tree fell on French or Belgian soil from 1914-18 - most probably - but He forged a connection of his own some years ago when he interviewed a First World War war hero called Mr Norman Cowan. Norman had just turned 100 and has since passed away.

My Master had interviewed him so that he might use the material in school lessons; He could tell Norman's personal story so it might not be forgotten. And He thinks of Norman Cowan today, and sometimes on days of no particular importance. He was a gentle man and his story is an extraordinary tale of courage, resilience, and yes, great sadness too. One day his story will be told or written down, given fuller expression, for more people to share.

But for now, My Master is silent, in remembrance and respect.

To all those who fell and to those who suffered, you are remembered collectively today, and in some cases uniquely too. RIP.

Bow wow down,

Tom

Michael Crichton Dies

2008-11-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

The American writer, TV and film director/producer, Michael Crichton, has died aged 66. He is most famous for his techno-thriller novels which include The Andromeda Strain (made into a film by producer Ridley Scott), and Jurassic Park. People might not realise that he was also responsible for the entertaining films: Westworld starring Yul Brynner, and Coma. Not forgetting the phenomenal TV series, ER.

Michael Crichton had his critics, not least environmentalists who attacked him for suggesting in a more recent novel that the world enviro-crisis was a political invention, but the critics forgot to remember that the book was fiction and as such it drew attention to the crisis itself. He was married at least four times and lost millions of dollars in settlements. He trained as a med student (inside info for ER), lectured for a while at different universities, including the UK, but writing was his real "escape". Apparently, he wrote to escape his gangliness and height (6'' 9").

According to Spielberg, Crichton was a gentle man, reserving his flamboyance mainly for writing fiction and producing/directing films.

My Master is still a big fan of Westworld, the film.

It should be said of Mr Crichton that he lived a very full life, even though 66 human years is not a long life.

Tom

Mars used to be quite wet...but was there life...?

2008-11-04T03:41:00.000-08:00

and did Martians look anything like Mr Bowie in the 1970s...?

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ueUOTImKp0k

Bow-wowie,
Tom

Absurdist Christmas Gifts...

2008-11-03T02:18:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, the only thing He and She leave me to read at the weekend are the "junk mail" brochures from the papers. They never read these, and I think They're really missing out. For example, take this year's selection of Xmas gifts from one company. There's the Yorkie handbag, sure to frighten off any would-be-bag-snatcher. Or the cello wine bottle holder, made of plastic, a definite feature in a room. Or the towel that won't ever fall down even when you answer the door straight after a bath. It has an elasticated waistband, and one size fits all. There's a collectible ceramic dog, or how about the amazing Pasta cooker without having to use a cooker? Just pour some boiling water into a plastic tube, et voila! Or the ultimate in wino frustration - a bottle holder that refuses to let you have a drink, until you have figured out how to get it out of a puzzling medieval contraption! Just imagine coming home after a bad day at the office, and all you can think of is putting your feet up with a bowl of plastic tube-cooked pasta and a glass of red wine, only to discover that it is imprisoned in a medieval winching mechanism.

There are, of course, many other wonderful Xmas gifts. Why not buy lip gloss holders shaped like cupcakes...or "Trust me, I'm a doctor" t-shirts...or the miniature infrared helicopter to fly around your front room...or the "how to talk dog" handbook...or the new wristwatch that can intercept nuclear missiles...or the pen that can never get lost, if you clap your hands all over the house...?

Oh, the absurdist painters, performers and writers of the 1950s had nothing on these 21st Century designers.

Can you invent or even imagine anything even half as good...?

Bow wow,

Tom

Writer In Residence

2008-10-27T01:43:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm really pleased to inform everyone that my Master has been asked to be a "writer in residence" at Dover Grammar School for Boys, starting in a couple of weeks time.

He visited the school last week, met some lovely staff and pupils, and is now really looking forward to working there one day a week, as part of the school's drive to improve literacy among boys.

If you check out an earlier post here, you'll know my Master cares a lot about falling literacy levels, especially among male pupils. He wrote an article about it for The New Writer which was published last month.

Anyway, He's now putting His money where His mouth is, so to speak.

Tom

Laugh 'Til Your Boots Fall Off

2008-10-24T02:30:00.000-07:00

Last night, He and She went out to watch a comedian called Michael McIntyre. The Marlowe Theatre was packed to the rafters, apparently. That's about 1,200 people.

None of these 1,200 people were disappointed with the two-hour set. From what I gather, even the Mayor of Canterbury was involved in the observational comedian's jokes.

Bearded collies like myself and Bella are famed for our sense of humour, so it was a shame we couldn't go along too.

Anyway, you have to take the rough with the smooth as a dog. But if you're interested, Michael McIntyre has extended his November dates at the Hammersmith Apollo because of demand. You could do much worse at this time of boom and bust, doom and dust, than to laugh along with this rather brilliant young man.

According to my Master, McIntyre has an acute understanding of the human condition; the absurdity of human behaviour. Maybe I should do a bit of stand-up - or sit-down comedy - as I too am fully aware of human absurdity.

Bow wow caio,

Tom

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Dog

2008-10-23T03:26:00.001-07:00

On Tuesday night this week, my Master went to the theatre to watch a play called Return Journey. It was, by all accounts, a marvellous and lyrical night. The play was all about Dylan Thomas's life, portrayed as a lecture by Dylan Thomas himself. Bob Kingdom has made a career out of playing the famous writer, and he is so good at being Thomas that one wonders if he ever becomes Bob Kingdom again after his performances (does he go back to his hotel room, pour himself a glass and write about Swansea?)

There were stories of childhood, of relatives, friends and neighbours in Wales. Stories of America. Anecdotes and poems. The only prop, a lectern. The only props missing being a cigarette and a glass of whiskey.

My Master was accompanied by someone called Mr D. A curious title for a friend, but there you are. My Master and Mr D were both mesmerised by the performance, more even by the sheer beauty of the words. Afterwards, they strolled to a nearby boozer to talk it through. They read some of their own work to each other, prose and poetry. And it was as if Dylan Thomas had cast a spell upon these two men. They felt a new inspiration, a fresh warmth for words. The night had a synchronous rhythm. As the temperature dropped in the smoking garden, their heads and hearts grew hotter. They parted company thereafter, tripping down the cobbles to their respective homes on opposite sides of the city; words in their heads, in their hearts, and in the pockets of their coats.

Bow-wowing down to Dylan Thomas,

Tom

Bless my ears: Jenkins does Cohen!

2008-10-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

My Master has had the 'flu pretty bad the past few days, sleeping it off in the bedroom etc, but you should have seen him fall down the stairs when my Mistress shouted up to Him on Sunday morning: "Heh, Andrew! Katherine Jenkins is about to sing Leonard Cohen, live!"

She was talking about the song "Hallelujah" which the siren was about to sing on the Andrew Marr Show. Not a bad rendition really, but can you really go wrong with Leonard's lyrics...? It's a pretty faithful cover from Jenkins's new album: Sacred Arias.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tvPWGHibaus

My Master needed cheering up - a few things have gone wrong recently - and to cheer him up further, the sultry siren was also on Songs of Praise in the late afternoon. Then it appears she was on GMTV and This Morning. Katherine Jenkins overload.

But all Jenkins fans had better get their fill, because she's moving to America to cut more albums and make more money. She's also going to work with Placido Domingo on her operatic voice: a long-term goal.

Personally, I've had enough of the singer. She's not indie, not pop, not opera. Maybe she could be called popular classical? But my Master...well, he's prepared to fall down the stairs for her and/or Leonard Cohen. I will never figure out these strange human impulses.

Bow wow caio,

Tom

Bella relaxes after the walk

2008-10-20T03:26:00.000-07:00

There are two sofas in our front room and normally I have jurisdiction over both, but Bella is faster than me these days, so tends to bag the best spot before me. This is her sleeping after the walk in the woods.

Tom

Bella goes to the ball (I mean the woods)

2008-10-20T03:08:00.000-07:00

Season's greetings.

As you can see, Bella has been enjoying autumn trips to the local woods. That's her with her nose in the leaves, me standing guard. It's a posture I sometimes assume. We had a lovely long walk, the weather was fine and bright.

Bella's grown quickly over the past few weeks. Not as tall as me, not as strong as me (yet), not as heavy, but she does all the things young beardies do.

Now I am in the autumn of my years: season of lists and forgetfulness.

I can still give her a good run for her money though.

Bow wow caio,

Tom

Philip Hensher wins the Man Booker prize (in Canterbury)

2008-10-15T03:26:00.000-07:00

Last night, at the Canterbury Cathedral International Study Centre, my Master took part in "The Canterbury Verdict" debate surrounding this year's six shortlisted Booker novels.

Before John Prebble of the Canterbury Festival announced the Canterbury winner of the Booker, and then the Booker winner of the Booker, a number of local authors read from their work: Patricia Debney, Danny Rhodes, Nina Bell, Tom Boncza-Tomaszewski, and finally my Master, Andrew McGuinness. All excellent readings apparently.

And which novel did the Canterbury people decide should win this year's Booker Prize?

Philip Hensher's The Northern Clemency.

I'm reliably informed that it "ran away with" first place in Canterbury.

But did it win the Booker Booker first prize?

No. Aravind Adiga won with The White Tiger.

I'm reliably informed that it trailed in last with the Canterbury people.

So, does this mean that the good people of Canterbury do not know their literary arses from their elbows...?

I don't think so. My Master "championed" The Northern Clemency during debates and the public fully embraced this novel, more heartily than Sea of Poppies or other shortlisted books. I suspect Canterbury scored a moral victory for what is in my Master's opinion an incredibly accomplished novel (see His review in a previous post below). Mr Hensher shouldn't feel downhearted. He has written a terrific novel which might stand the test of time.

I suspect also that personal agendas and politics come into play at the Booker's final judging deliberations. Though it has to be said, I haven't yet read the winning novel and will keep an open mind until I have read it.

All in all, according to my Master, the Man Booker debate in Canterbury was a huge success. Thanks to John Prebble's organisation and full Festival support for the literary form, writing and reading are evidently very alive in the city.

Bow wow caio,

Tom

Pantomime comes early to Wembley

2008-10-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

What did you do at the weekend? My Master went to Wembley Stadium to watch a world cup qualifier between England and Kazakhstan. Despite a useless first half, and a slight wobble in the second half (Ashley Cole's comic back pass which led to Kazakhstan's only goal) England came out comfortable 5-1 winners. At times, it was very exciting.

But the game, for my Master at least, is to be remembered for entirely different reasons. It was His first visit to Wembley (old or new), a birthday present, and the new stadium is quite impressive, more on the inside than the outside. The concrete concourse and steps etc around the ground leave little to be desired. Why didn't they plant some trees at least...and some benches to sit on...No, the building from the outside (if you discount the interesting arch above) is at best uninviting, at worst quite impenetrable and fortress-like.

You go inside and escalators take you up to the higher parts of the stadium. A bit like a large department store with nothing to look at, until you go into the heart of the building: the pitch, and the seats which provided excellent views. But then, £50 is a lot for a good view.

For anyone interested, hot dogs were £6-40, each! Programmes, another £6. No alcohol was sold inside the ground because of Fifa rules. So, you had to shell out another lot of money for Coca Cola etc.

The programme said that no foul language was allowed. If reported to a steward for using such language, you could be ejected from the ground and possibly barred for life. A sort of Orwellian nightmare.

As my Master pointed out on his return: since when has anyone been to a football match and not heard "who's the w***er in the black?" Though in these international matches the referees rarely wear black. The lack of swearing - something which used to be comically and imaginatively applied during ordinary league games - is no longer to be heard on the Wembley terraces, but saved for the return train journeys home instead.

Which brings me on to the most memorable aspect of the game yesterday. The atmosphere. An unfortunate atmosphere.

In many ways, this was a family day out. There were drums, trumpets, funny wigs and Borat moustaches. On the underground and on other trains and milling around the stadium concourses, it was good to see a lot of families with children of all ages. My Master has nothing against families or children, but He was left wondering if a younger audience had a diluting effect to the home team's support? After Ashley Cole made his mistake, a large section of the crowd booed every time he touched the ball. It was very like pantomime at Christmas. The children (and in some cases their childish parents) were very active in this booing. What a way to support your own team. It wouldn't happen to any other national team from the mouths of their own fans, I'm sure. The English are superior to all other nations in only one respect; shooting themselves in the foot.

So, where did it all go wrong? The FA recently started a campaign of respect for referees by players. No one is allowed to swear on the terraces, perhaps not even say how sh*t England were in the first half for fear of ejection; yet large sections of England's fans can happily boo individuals and the whole team collectively if they wish. Boo at the pantomime of it all. Boo, boo. Make a villain out of one of your own players. First it was Lampard, then Cole, and there will be others. Why?

On a late night highlights programme on ITV, the media took vox pops, asking a selection of the crowd why they had booed Cole, and their responses were depressing: I bought my ticket, I can do (boo) what I want, (which misses the point about home support and national loyalty); If I boo enough he might not make the same mistake again. A strange (and deluded) notion based on a sort of personal punishment? What must their childhood have been like...?

My Master was hugely disappointed by such comments. He wouldn't want to go to a game if there were people in the crowd who actually thought like that. But He also thinks the media are hypocritical about the booing. A journalist from the Mirror came out lambasting the cowardly boo-ers. This is the same paper that harassed/lambasted Cole over a whole year and invaded his private life, following him around Harrods etc. The Mirror moralised about and helped demonise Cole as a human being, so why shouldn't "the people" do the same when he makes a terrible back-pass in a game? The journalists at the Mirror should really take a good look at themselves first, before casting stones into the stands. They can't crucify a man in public then turn around and complain when their readers do the same at a football game. If you can't respect a person's private life, how on earth do you expect people to respect his professional life?

No, the roots of respect/disrespect run deeper than a game of football. They are, most likely, symptomatic of a wider, deeper problem outside of an impressive but over-concreted stadium. They are perhaps to be found in somehow still "acceptable" behaviours: sticking "Borat" moustaches on your children's upper lips and booing players from your own team. Why not go the whole hog and support Kazakhstan? And thinking that paying the price of a ticket is carte blanche to point the finger at someone else, but never at ourselves.

Wow, we live in mixed-up, childish, selfish times, and the media are the worst perpetrators.

It will not be the six-hour round trip to Wembley which will put off my Master returning to the home of world football. Neither will it be the concrete concourses. The views from the inside more than make up for these. No, it will be the large pockets of small-mindedness present among England's so-called fans. My Master doesn't want to be part of that. Not when he can watch it down the pub, have a pint or two while He's watching, and if he feels it necessary, utter the unutterable. What he won't hear down the pub is childish booing. Crying maybe, emotional gesticulations, yes, but true England fans will stand up for their team, thick and thin, no dilutions. No boos.

Respect.

Tom

Review of The Northern Clemency

2008-10-09T02:46:00.000-07:00

My Master was out last night, at a Mexican restaurant, so I took the opportunity to open his shoulder bag (one he bought in San Francisco) and dig around for information regarding Philip Hensher's The Northern Clemency. He hasn't stopped talking about it for a fortnight and I wanted to know why that was.

What I discovered in His bag was bits and pieces about the novel and have pieced them together here, as best I can:

From a distance, The Northern Clemency looks daunting: lying flat on the table, it is at least two inches thick. 738 pages and larger than a house brick. But this shouldn't put the reader off. The style is very fluent, some might say exuberant, and the characters very interesting; one is easily and willingly taken on the epic journey through three decades of social and political upheaval. And this is mainly because Philip Hensher is in complete control of his structure, characters, setting and most importantly, language.

For the uninitiated, the book revolves around two families: the Glovers (long settled in Sheffield), and the Sellers (new residents in Sheffield from London). The novel explores the shifting relationships between individuals within each family, between the two families, and with the wider world. The period covered: mid-1970s to the mid-1990s. Hensher mainly concentrates on Sheffield but there are passages in London, and towards the latter stages, in Australia.

The accomplishments of this novel are substantial and many: Hensher's ability in the third person to deftly get inside the heads and hearts of many characters, central and minor, be they male or female, children, teenagers, middle-aged parents, removal men, conmen, drug dealers..is extraordinary. Moving so smoothly and deeply from one character's point of view to another is in most writers' cases a hard craft to master, but Hensher has it finely-honed; perhaps it is even a special gift. Certainly, it is the major strength of the novel.

Though joined by blood, by neighbourhood, or by shifting circumstances, each character maintains his or her uniqueness. Not only this, Hensher imbues each with respect and warmth. At times, I positively felt a glow coming from the pages. By the end of the book (and from the first page), the reader genuinely feels as if the fictional people are real. And maybe some of them are, given the author openly acknowledges that passages in the book are semi-autobiographical. But one of the triumphs of the writing, for me, is that no matter how much you think you know a character, he or she will do something unexpected, and yet, still with credibility.

Part of this achievement is the author's natural and sympathetic understanding of the human condition, and his mastery of characterisation and dialogue. At no point during the 738 pages did I think, he wouldn't say this, she wouldn't speak or act like that.

There are some big themes. Politics, human relationships, societal changes, the highs and lows of domesticity, the yearning for love and the pain of loss. Painful rites of passage. The biggest question I think being explored is: what bonds people together, what breaks these apart?

Some reviewers have said Hensher's attention to detail (setting and character) is in places too forensic and maybe unnecessary; that it slows the narrative right down. But for me, the detail is never unnecessary. It is specific to the telling of the story and helps to translate the texture of life as it was lived and probably still is being lived. The details, as every good writer knows, convince the reader of the story's authenticity. In this respect, Hensher views the epic nature of ordinary lives through a microscopic lens, in the same way that classic nineteenth-century epic novelists did...such as Tolstoy, one of Hensher's literary heroes.

That is not to say that nothing happens in ordinary life here. Quite the opposite. Transformations of character occur through minor and major incidents, and to his credit Hensher largely avoids the temptations of soapy melodrama. We are interested in, and care about, his characters because they are, in effect, the plot. The characters evolve before our eyes almost without our noticing, until something unexpected happens, be this an affair, a husband leaving his wife for two days, a boy's pet snake being killed in the street by his mother, a teenage girl exposing herself to men, and boys. Hensher controls his 'local' incidents sublimely. Indeed, some of the most important scenes are only hinted at or lightly brushed over, their full force still being felt; dramatic points that a less mature writer would exploit to the hilt. In Hensher's novel, the defining moments are submerged, yet present, like a riptide waiting. This leaves the reader questioning and thinking; intellectual engagements which are too often undervalued in the creative process of writing fiction.

If this all sounds too heavy going, don't fret. There is a smoothness of style and touch and heaps of humour. Once again, Hensher is subtle. His humour is not of the slapstick variety. It is immersed in the language, in character and in timing. When he mentions that Arthur Scargill's hair is "complicated", you know exactly what he means. It is funny, and true. I smiled a lot during this novel, chuckled to myself in places. But then I was a child in the 1970s.

Hensher has a keen and sensitive nose for comedy and tragedy. As the story (and the years) unfold, the reader becomes aware that bad things are about to happen. We don't know who to, or exactly when, but they are going to happen. The expectations raised in the reader are manifold and the reader is not left frustrated at the end. I won't spoil it for you, but something dramatic does happen, and to more than one character.

I've heard The Northern Clemency being described as a family saga, which doesn't do this book justice. Family sagas are often sentimental or rose-tinted, and this isn't sentimental at all. I've also read that there is not enough in-depth politics given over to the Thatcher years or the Miner's strike of 1984. But I don't think Hensher was really banging a dogmatic drum. I think he was trying to show that people's lives can be changed by politics over time, because politics (and economics) can change the way people view the world, and how they see themselves in it. Most of Hensher's characters are changed by the end of the novel, one of the things he was intending to do. They are still who they were essentially, but they are changed.

As a writer, Philip Hensher has at different times been compared to Vikram Seth, Ian McEwen, Rachel Cusk and Rose Tremain. But for me, he is very much his own man with his own distinct writing voice. The Northern Clemency is his sixth novel, arguably his best and most purposeful. Philip Pullman is so right when he suggests that Hensher has composed not so much a condition-of-England as a condition-of-humanity novel. It would, in my opinion, make a worthy winner of the Man Booker, 2008.

It may be a hardback and bigger than a brick, but there is so much softness and wonder inside.

Bow wow caio.

Tom

Man Booker debate: Canterbury

2008-10-07T04:08:00.000-07:00

Tonight's the night my Master will be co-chairing (with Tim Binding) a discussion about two of the shortlisted novels from the Man Booker Prize, 2008:

Philip Hensher's The Northern Clemency and Amitav Ghosh's Sea of Poppies.

What very different books. Both have their strengths. My Master is "championing" The Northern Clemency. How much did he like it...? Very much indeed. I'll try and post his comments later in the week, after the debate is over.

And who will win this year's Booker Prize?

If dogs were allowed into betting shops (and if I were a gambling sort of dog), I'd put my money on Philip Hensher. Or maybe Sebastian Barry?

Bow wow caio, for now,

Tom

Publication delayed but available for pre-order at various online 'shops'

2008-10-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

Oh no - A Portrait of the Arsonist as a Young Man has been delayed. And not because anyone has burned the publishing house down I should say...

In any case, the book is available to pre-order at many outlets online; at some places at a very reasonable price too:

http://www.borders.co.uk/book/a-portrait-of-the-arsonist-as-a-young-man/1035749/

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Portrait-Arsonist-Young-Man/dp/1906061505

http://bookshop.blackwell.co.uk/jsp/welcome.jsp?source=rss&isbn=1906061505

http://www.inpressbooks.co.uk/a_portrait_of_the_arsonist_as_a_young_man_by_mcguinness_andrew_i019606.aspx

http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/displayProductDetails.do?sku=6191325

http://www.tesco.com/books/product.aspx?R=9781906061500

Bow wow caio,

Tom

Art or Life: which one is the oddest..?

2008-09-29T02:19:00.000-07:00

Somebody set fire to a publisher's in London over the weekend. Or maybe more than one person did. So Ben Tippet, the arsonist in A Portrait, is not alone. But the firestarters in London are thought to be terrorists, and Ben Tippet is no terrorist:
http://www.thebookseller.com/news/67863-gibson-square-offices-targeted.html

Tom

Competition for you!

2008-09-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard of it already - and you really should be subscribing to at least one writing magazine - The New Writer has just released its autumn issue, and it contains an article written by my Master, and it's called "The Numbskull Novelist"! You'll have to get hold of a copy to find out why it's called that. A clue might be that he was quite a slow reader as a child Himself.

Of course, there are other reasons to read this issue: as well as original fiction and poetry there are articles on, among other things, fishing for ideas, a cheat's guide to SF, and even how football can improve your writing. There's also info about their November competition: short stories, novels, poetry and journalism. A competition for all kinds of writers really. My Master has won their short story competition before and had other things published by them too.

As it happens, I have in my possession a spare copy of the autumn issue with said article in it, and if anyone can send me the answer to the following question, they can have it sent to their UK home, FREE:

In the opening to my Master's novel (click on the typewriter on the home page to read it), the narrator, Ben Tippet, largely talks about himself, his family, prison life, the universe and everything. And he is an awful name-dropper too. So, can you tell me exactly how many writers does Ben Tippet refer to (directly and indirectly) in the opening passage of his so-called "autobiography"? (It's trickier than you might at first think).

First one to list them all correctly gets The New Writer, No.92, in the post.

Bow wow caio,

Tom

http://www.thenewwriter.com/

Two blogs do not make a right, but nonetheless...

2008-09-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

I've just started up another blog, dedicated this time only to my Master's novel. Please do visit it now and then for more information about the book.

http://tom-thearsonist.blogspot.com/

It's hoped that excerpts from the novel will appear on my sister site soon, as will discussions surrounding the book after it has been published this autumn.

I'm no Booker judge, but I'm pretty sure the novel is going to generate some debate (heated or otherwise), given its style, subject-matter and themes. But we'll see.

Bow wow,
Tom